Waking up at this hour....

Waking up at this hour when im blogging now, is just not a very good time... You wanted so much to crawl back into your blanket under your full speed fan or aircon, but you just cant... Just torturing enough.. But yet, Ive to get up to settle what have happened in my life recently.

Clock just wont stop ticking for me. Been rushing for datelines, datelines and datelines. Ive to go through all my mood of stopping down, my desire to slack and also my will to take things more slowly. Because of this... I again, felt very lost. But this time, I really dunno whom I wanna turn to.

My jimuis, all of them are attached to so much things happened in their life that I dont wanna be their burden anymore. Some have move on to the next stage of life, some are just like me, trying to be a tough cookie, trying hard to be strong in front of others. I just cant bear to add more things to their perfect life, or even worse, to those who's life is just not as perfect as it can be.

Did wanted to turn to my cousemates. But yet, they are just as busy as I do. Why do I have to load them with my own feelings? Something not very encouraging to make them move through their difficulties as well. Besides, I guess guys and girls cant really be good friends? Opposite sex good friends, that i once was close to, start to withdraw from me. For me is ok, as long as they felt comfortable. Yet, i feel its kinda wasted losing someone as dear as normal good friends, that would just stand beside you, getting you through life, but it just wont happen as im a girl, and they are guys.. What i thought previously was wrong then. It shouldnt be applied here in KL that guys and girls can be friends.

Now.. this is where i felt lost. dunno where to turn, dunno where to go, aimless....

And that's when i started missing Archie, thinking of times when he used to stand beside me to get me through and also the time, when he started to drift away... and this makes me cry..

And she just did it again...

She again drop her tears in public, by holding back her cries...

She just sent her k-bro to KL sentral, and eventually, sent him to bus that transport him to LCCT.

When she was about to leave KL sentral, she again, saw the spot where she and Archie was there a year ago.

She just couldnt stop her feelings being drown away. She just couldnt stop the feeling of not thinking about Archie. She knew there is nothing, nothing at all, she can do now and is already a dead end between her and Archie, she tried to move on, she tried to be strong, she tried to fill her time with loads of work, by taking all the responsibilities to herself, she aclaimed that she has moved on to TT, she thought she had moved on..

Or maybe she really did move on? It was just the bad memory between her and Archie that made her tears fell? She just dunno...

She again, felt all lost. She is all alone in this time of critical..

Is this gonna be temporary or will it just be in her mind forever? She also dunno, yet she keep waiting and trying...

I want my TIME!!!!

Currently have been busy, organising activities for my convo mag, dealing with ammendments for my KK trip with a bunch of friends, class tests, Mt KK climb training, projects, endless datelines to be met.

Yet, I do still find a time to watch Jack Neo's movie - Love matters.

I can say that i LOVE Jack's movie. Because i found it very down to earth. And bet ya, i even cried when i watch this movie, because i reflected on my life as well as life of people that I care around me.

I know how big the word LOVE is. Yet, i still couldnt find it in my notes. But i do found it around people around me. Friends getting flirted, court as well as starting new relationship. Erm... JEalous? Not really, is just that maybe I should be thinking at the more positive site, where is always better not to be in loved just for the sake of being into one.

Today, i passed by the place where Archie and I was there, happily smiling almost a year ago. I couldnt say that Im not disturbed. A sudden sadness just strike me, went into a world of my own, where I wasnt aware that there's a motocyclist that had a small accident, just beside the car I was in.

I went home, and then, chatted with TT as well as a few pals on the activity that we are going to organise in this month. yes... datelines again.. Yet, i felt like blogging. I want to continue to blog about my Aussie trip [which I will do it this week :) ] as well as having a facebook account [due to high demand].

Again, i told TT about how i felt today, about the incident where i went back to the place which i think i wouldnt be there for as long as i can remember that place... TT pop another question to me: Are you still avoiding guys or you have recovered? Followed by jokes by TT. If TT have asked me the question seriously, frankly, I dunno the answer... *haha* funny right?

I admit, i was avoiding being close to guys, or even not talking to one, if i can do it before this sem, because i felt betraying Archie, but now, I just realised, I wasnt being myself when I was being with Archie...

Well, I know this blog shouldnt be of Archie anymore, yet, he had been part of it. And in future, I dunno whether will he be part of it, but, again, i remind myself that, is time, to live like what ET have lived... Being herself is what makes her smile...

Ganbate ET!