Everyone needs a knock at times..

Is just amazing how friends can affect you.

Tonight, i felt extremely missing the time we had. So, i went out with a bunch of friends to play card games. When i sat at the table, it just flashed back the last time i was at this same restaurant, almost a year ago, with you. Having the same dessert, at the table in which last year, my hometown friends were questioning me about you, because they caught me going out alone with you.

I was trying hard to have some interest in the game, but yet, i felt so stupid cos i really felt irritated cos i keep asking friend again and again: What is this card for, why like this, why like that. Just felt am such a nuisance. I really pity that friend of mine, Superman.

However, Green page me at my phone when the game is almost done. Named her green, im sure she understood why i named her so. I met green unintentionally, and to be frank, it was a miracle & unexpected that i and her can grow such deep friendship. No one would guess that we both could be so great friends because all we had in common, was just another friend that used to be her housemate. I wouldnt have guessed that I will have an international friend, especially someone this close and dear to heart. To make it more beautiful, the last time I we had met, perhaps is at least 2-3 years ago! And we kept in touch, really once awhile, but we both knew each other will be backing each other up when we needed each other.

Green had a relationship that really NO ONE would ever think it will end that way. Green's story is almost like my past story. In short, a relationship were just a tool for both of us to grow, a relationship that we both had spent so much time grieving and hoping the man will return, a relationship that we both wanted it to work so much, a relationship that made us blank for quite sometime, a relationship that makes us cry first thing in the morning and the last thing before we slept, a relationship that made us felt we are so hypocrite being a happy bunny at daylight but when moon comes and alone, is totally a different personality, a relationship we had fought hard to make it work, to make it sustain, and to change the fact that he was gone. However, this PAST relationship, had just bear one great fruit, making us stronger and happier as we walked out of the shadow

Green and I havent been talking since 2 months ago, my birthday. It was our common friend birthday soon and she was asking me the exact date. We started to chat. Green read my blog. And we started to chat again.

2 months ago, green was negative. At some point, i was worrying if she can walk out of the misery like I did. I was worrying if she have a friend sitting by her, saying nothing, and when leaving, both feel is the greatest conversation.

Green surprise me when she was giving me strength to go on.

God is always here. He can give you everything, so as He can take it from you everything and anytime. We can plan, we can try and we can hope, but we can never go against God's will. Everything happens for a reason. We might not see for the time being, but absolutely, God is providing us ONLY THE BEST for us.

Both Green and I might not have a good past relationship, we asked God "Why me? Why so? and What have I done wrong to deserve this?". But now, we see the past relationship as a tool for us to grow and absolutely, not the right man after all. Cos we still deserve ONLY THE BEST.

To be honest, yes, I do miss Vince alot. Is hard to let go. I dont want to loose hope.. Maybe im not brave enough to let him go afterall. But one thing im sure after my conversation with Green, is not the RIGHT TIME and NOTHING can SURE. Why should we worry on things that is UNCERTAIN? Isnt it a waste of time? Isnt it making us miserable?

So, seize the time. God always answer prayers, just that maybe not at the time we expected. So, wait patiently. So, when you see the opportunity, dont waste it anymore (sillyly hoping september provides an opportunity.

Tonight too, i hope i had made superman remind himself what i remind myself today. Seize the opportunity. Believe in God. and God answers.

Thank you Green for reminding me how great is thou art. Thank you green for all the reminders. Thank you Green for the sharing. You definitely be in my prayer list. Love you, Green. God bless you abundantly too. God will lead us a way He wants us to be :D

New, is it good?

I finally got what i wanted, STORE!

Is a place that think i dont have to entertain the impatient patients, dont have to stand almost 3-5hours/day to dispense, to query doctor on small matters (that only show how ignorant are them to me), dont have to deal with patients that treats you worst than a maid.

Store, is a place, in my mind, have my own table, dont have to melayan kerenah patients that really blows my mood away, almost everyday. I might need to deal with subordinates that will still have politics between them (but which department doesnt have?), talking with doctors that might loose their temper (is big doctors le! At least, i hope am going to learn from them instead being a teacher to them, in which, sometimes, fear that my answers will kill the patient instead. Besides, if i were not going to be government's servant, store is a better place to build my network plus polishing some management skills, if i were to be in the same field as i am now.

Is almost 3 weeks since you left. Sitting on the chair you once sat, i wonder why i used to picture store is such a busy place. So much to answer, query from nurses why this is not here, why is not given all, and all kinds of blame for not able to supply according to their wish (Hey! Who is looking after your account now? If you dont know how much you have spent, SHUT UP or SPEAK UP and ask for more budget la!). I do not know the flow of work yet. Im so passive, and these make me felt so stupid, getting paid for enlarging my butt spontaneously. Not forgetting, my tummy is getting some "isi" too.. arghhh.... But when i was packing your table, i saw something that is kinda amusing for me, a gift from your admirer to you! Ahahahahhaa... instantly, i just felt blessed. Why? because U may seemed to others you are interested in her, but actually, it was just all for fun. When I think of the days and time spent with you, i just felt you are so real to me. So true to me.

When ppl throw me question, and I have no idea why, i really felt lost. Is even worst, when you ask people that is more experience than you are in store, the answer they gave was: Now, your boss is not here, you make decision how la since the stock not tally. (I was not even in store when the problem occurs!). But luckily, after i show some frustration with that answer, someone turn up and helped. Damn lucky. Yet, i still feel stupid because i need my subordinates to teach me how to solve problem. Adui...

But all of them gave me the same comment. You and me are really alike. Now, is that a compliment or otherwise? Tell you something that draws a smile to my boring day today, someone said we are perfectly match :P Now, is that a good comment too?

Mistake

1st of May. Is a date where many things that impacted my life happened.

1st May 1955. My daddy's birthday.
1st May 1997. My first P day.
1st may 2005. My first heart-broken day because of that not-so-worth-afterall, Archie
1st May 2012. Second heart breaking day of my life, for someone that i think worth a lifetime, Vince.

Having him left after our last encounter together was crying together, i started the day yesterday with breakie with my Sandakan Family. Went to Aunty's shop so that to ignore WORK and dinner with Sandakan Family before heading to Balin, the place where we spent the last night together this time with vince, in the same piece of dress.

Wanting to recall the last night together, i would say, a long lost true friend (means we seldom contact but do appreciate each other), Which i Rmb gave him a name (i blogged bout him previous, but couldnt remember what name ive given).. erm.. let's name him, Mr. Incredible (something we have in common). He shared with me a silly small mistake he made, that almost instantly, he come back to his senses doing the right thing. Somehow, the silly mistake he made, do make me wonder, "Does the same thing actually happen to me, and i become ignorant about it?"

Everyone made mistake. Some say mistake just show how foolish you were that time. Some say mistake kills. Some say mistake improves self. In short, it meant something to anyone.

Mr Incredible was pretty happy after the chat (hope he does, not to just make me fill "hey, im not that bad afterall!") but instantly turned abit wishy washy when i bombarded him with questions, which in the end, no definite conclusion is made.

Yes, Ive made a mistake on why I did not took the courage on that spot, but instead let senses made me regret afterwards? In the end, the conclusion we made, probably it wasnt the best thing would happen later, but , on that particular spot, if you have taken the courage to do what you feel makes you happier, perhaps, you wont be sulking now because of regreting it.

Maybe all these while with Vince, i was all covered up with senses, wasnt daring enough like i used to be. Probably im afraid ill be hurt again or fear i might hurt Vince on the other hand if i have been too persuasive, more to like a puppy begging for bones.

Perhaps, is time to really do something without caring much what happens in the end.

And maybe, that will give more colours to my life after loosing one great colour now?