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I feel it again. Is not the first time, yet I feel it again.

I can see it coming, I thought I am prepared, yet, I felt weird.

Maybe all these while, all I have encountered are really leading me to the right path, and all the hints which I think are just simply I think too much, all come to me right now, that, the hints are really hints.

Sleepless nights, aimless, strong and keep brushing things off, is what my routine gonna be again.

What is the definition for F-R-I-E-N-D-S for you?

It never felt like this before, felt so alone. For no reason.

Is Raya season now. Everyone is back home, enjoying their rendang and ketupat, which I have missed for consecutive 4 years :'( or just simply, need to stay at lab to finish up their ketupat-fed mice.

So, told myself to write up the article which I owe terrorist for my convo mag. I always wanted to finish it, yet, I cant find the "feel" to write.

Was browsing through the pictures, which was taken 4 months back. Glancing through, I realised, so much have changed. So much.


So much have changed, in the sense of friendship. I was once told that I will never get true friends, once I left for Uni. Why? Because, you will start to feel, you are being used, being meals' partner, being a supplier for lab reports, someone you can gang up to buy a whole lot of online shopping for cheaper shipment fee.

But I believe. And still, do not believe.

But I have to agree that once you get to know someone more closer, you'll realise that person is totally not the person you knew. Or, maybe just because the person you once know have changed? Or simply, just because you have changed?


So much I have witness this semester.

From strangers, turn to someone you can confide in only.

From someone who is your shadow, turn to someone irritates you so much.

From someone that is always there for you, to someone you dont dare to be close for him/her anymore.

From someone you depend so much, to a new you where you where you realised you are wrong.

From a close friend, to become someone you love. From a close friend, turn to be your love rival. From a stranger, to become your crush. From a stranger, to someone you dont wanna hear from him/her anymore.

What are friends for? How to you define a true friend? Someone that you are always be with? Someone you can talk non-stop? Someone you can trust? Someone that never makes you mad? Someone who treats you good? Or just someone that makes you feel comfortable when you are with him/her?

Do true friends really exist? Or is just another fairy tales that little girl like me believe in it?

No doubt that time and distance changes one. But it doesnt mean that it will change the feeling, except you are the one giving the feeling up. No one is perfect in this world.

No doubt that sometime you are disappointed with people that you consider them as friends. Is up to you right now how to deal with it. Depends on how you define who your friends are. Depends on how important that person is in your life.

For me, I have found lotsa friends that are not only there for me, but also not there for me, when I needed them. These are my true friends, that tell me honestly what I have done right, and what I have done wrong. Someone that dares to hurt my feeling.

Im glad I have found mine. And my quota? Is expanding. How about you today? Of course, Ill delete someone or degrade someone from close friend to just a hi-bye friend, which someone that doesnt worth keeping. Well, you may say I am judging, but I dont need a friend that is not honest to me, or betray me.

So friends, im not in a postion to tell you all how to deal with your people around. It depends on how you define friendship. Know what you want, and dont ever betray yourself. Treat yourself better by pampering yourself with people that are worth it :) Appreciate who you have now, ok?

It was so different this time. But is it correct?

Last nite, was the very first nite I met Aanhry after I and Archie have come to a stop. The nite was indeed very happy, because we both realised, both had moved on. So happy too that Aanhry get to meet another fabulous boy, that now, Aanhry, the girl which was always being disappointed with finding her right man, finally, found hers. Am happy looking at her, chit-chatting on the phone with Mr Bird.

Last nite, was a nite that I poured out everything to Aanhry after 1 year. It was so much to catch up. Told her what had happened to me, in the pass 6 months and now. She told me about her Mr Bird and what is she going on in the next few months, especially her convo is coming up.

Time with Aanhry, we will never missed out one person, Archie. I told Aanhry about what was bothering me when i was letting go, asking her, is that a hint from God, that This person, Archie, was in your life before, and he is still alive in this world? Is this hinting something? Asking me to not to let go or forget him? Or just simple testing whether ive let go?

I know Ive let him go. Really have. In the sense that, if a right person is here for me right now, there will be no hesitation whether Ive let go or havent.

We had 2 dinners, because the dinner at Pasta Zanmai was not fulfilling at all. We end up having another salad and pasta and ends the night with a classic chocolate cake at Delicious.

It was a great night. Was laughing. And smilling. Because i know, God will one day give Archie a lesson, which he will never forget. I even heard that at last, Archie and the so-called-responsibled gf broke off this year. For God sake, Helleluyah! This is like the day Im waiting for! I just dont wanna know him forcing himself being with a girl, he doesnt have feelings for. Whether he is with me or not, is not my concern anymore.

However, his drinking habit as well as his social life, is not improving at all, in the sense that, he gave me a feeling, he is all messed up. I was only hoping that the pregnant news is not a true story.

Well, it doesnt matter to me at all, just a slight feeling of disappointed, looking at a person which once I have loved so much, turned into someone that is so strange to me.

I and aahry, missed out our movie together, and headed home. Was around 1am at night, where Aanhry was showing me and telling me lots of her frens stories, when suddenly Archie popped up in her fb and chat with her. She was so so surprised and told me: He is only once in a blue moon find me, moreover, in fb, not msn. It is really rare.

Archie: Not yet sleep?
Aanhry (was me typing): Why do you care?
Archie: Wouw! I was just asking. THat's all.
Aanhry: gonna oi oi soon lo. Nitez.
Archie: nitez.

When i was replying for aanhry sake, as well as when aanhry open pictures that have his image, this time, the feeling of "hurt" is gone. I did not feel any discomfort. Just like friend. Just like someone I know, which turn out to be a bad egg.

I thought I was all alrite. In fact, I am. oh well... what am i saying here.

Yet, what happened last nite, what i knew last nite, what happened before when Ken was here, it just give me a ringing bell. I know what i feel towards him now, is just friends I know long ago, and that's all.

Yet, are everything happened, asking me to stop forgeting him, or were them just simply testing me whether Ive let go?