Archieless Day 7 - Bang on the head..

Yes.. Today.. Miss the whole day lecture and went to Sunway Pyramid Ice to bang my head on the floor. Jisca was in front of me and she heard that there was a loud bang behind her. And yes.. I had a straight bang to my head.

I thought that i was quite ok when I can move and walk without holding the bars. But yet, maybe the song sang was so suit my feelings these few days, I just cant get my mind to concentrate on what I should, which is Im trying to skate.

After 2 years in KL, seriously, I never ice skated before. And because this time, Jisca, Tank, Garnet and Marchy came over to my place to stay, so, I skipped my whole day lecture. And yes, I was avoiding to think about Archie too..

Had been missing him since that last day he contact me. And I know what I should do after all I heard. But yet, Im not prepared to lose him right now. Of all the semester, this semester I have a project on Business.

Why do I have to come over with things that is associate with him? This afternoon, when I was skating, 2 songs that he loved most aired. I wanted to burst out but yet, I kept the feelings inside. So, all ended with a bang in the head..

But... the bang, have no effect at all. How i wish the bang could just make me forget the hurtful things. Im hoping for another bang in the head :'(

Archieless Day 5

Is already Day 5, yet, the feeling wasnt as good as I thought I would be. Afterall, I wasnt as strong as others might look at me. It wasnt great either when the truth seems to display directly on your face. It was obviously hurtful when you think your rank in the heart of the person you love is already being substituted by another person.

What hurt most is that, I know he is back to our natural city and yet, there is still no news about him. None at all from the day he told me he lost his phone. It was very devastating but what else can I do except to ignore and to accept?

I really wish I have a place in him and my only hope now is that he will repent and go back to the Archie that i knew 4 years ago. I really wish he was the person I once loved. I hope he would be respected of his capability and not disturbed by all these bad side of him.

I know loving someone is to accept his good and bad but I know too, that if I can accept all these without telling him that he was wrong, that is really loving him irrationally. Just like our parents, they love us so much and thus tells us when we are wrong.

I hope I have the chance to meet him within this week. At least, some contact from him. But Aanhry say she thinks he would know that I have known it and wouldnt find me again. But, Im not mad at him at all thought no matter how much I try to build some hatred inside me. Im just disappointed that the trust I gave him, and this is what I got. And the most hurtful is him himself not telling me the truth. I really wish he could tell me directly to face and not me listening to other friends. Anything he say, Ill believe. And yes, this is another way of loving irrationally.

But whatever it is now, the decision is in his hands, not mine. But I do I can have the chance to meet him this week and I have the chance to see him as the person and Archie that I first called 4 years ago..

Day 1 - Trying to get him out of mind..

This is the 1st day Im trying to live without thinking about him. But I couldnt. I even fell tears in the lecture hall. I just couldnt stand it.

I thought that going out will heal the pain, at least for a little, but it dint at all. Went to Pavillion, the place where he loved so much. Remembered the days where we had our giant burgers with unfinished fries although we are both big eaters, pass through his favourite siu loong bau restaurants, went to watch a movie that we went 2 months back, saw the KL monorail which we used to take everyday 2 months back, pass through the bridge that we argue whether it was there few years ago, all those memories came back.

It hurts so much. That i started to cry again for this man. I know he wont know it. Perhaps, he is outside there with someone else, more worthy than me. Yes, who am i to him? A junior to spend time with.. A junior that will share his ups and down when he's willing to share. A junior only. Yes, to him, IM JUST HIS JUNIOR.

Now, he has accompany in KL, is about time, to just leave me cos Im really nobody to him. Is that what you are thinking, Archie? Is that how you felt towards me? Who am i to you? All these while, you are just taking me as a friend, or was it you just dunno how to handle your situation? I believe you when people say you are a casanova, but why now, you have to show me that I was wrong? Where is the Archie that I once knew? Why did you changed to someone like this after you went back to Sabah? Why? Why do you have to make me love you more? And keep hoping that you'll come back to me? And then, all these I heard from Winne about you and her? Why? What happened to you? Were you the person I once love and knew? You wreck me but I still love you.. Why?

The truth always hurts.. But why me?

At last, the day and the news that i dont ever wanna hear. I tried all my very best to ignore everything but I couldnt. Friends have been very supportive and i realised I was the one forgiving and loving unconditionally.

I was the one ignoring all the negative thoughts of others about him. It has been 4 years. And recently, he gave me the feeling that I am still the ONE. But yet, why now? And why is me? Why do i have to suffer all these? What have I done wrong? For loving unconditionally or for not forgetting him as others asked me to do so?

Was it wrong to love someone that you think you really love? Was it wrong to just reject someone directly without doing things that will hurt more?

I am deeply hurt by what he had done. Of all the days, why I need to know all these right in front of me now? I felt so hurt that no tears were coming out from my eyes! For years, Ive been crying for the man I love. For years, I have been supportive to him in every way. For years, Ive been hoping he can give me a real answer one day. For years, Ive been ignoring and forgiving his wrong deeds.

For years, I have been loving someone that I dont love at all? For years, Ive been upholding someone that I shouldnt? For years, only i realised his bad side? But why, my heart doesnt wanna let go until this stage when every single pieces that he doesnt love me seemed to come clear? I dont demand a sorry. I just wanna be with someone that we both loved each other. Was it just a fling to you, Archie? Was it?

Can you please tell me directly? Can you?

A friday...

This is not a VERY happy friday to look forward. Why? Because the new sem is about the start. When new sem starts, that's when hell starts too!

Today, the day started by receiving a message from Archie about his whereabout. Well, Thank goodness, he's still alive and save. That was like such a relieve to me [leganya]! Well, about other matters, I choose to be ignorant for the time being because it's really not a good timing now. A very bad now. So, the day started with a good news afterall!

So, Fridays should be the greatest day of the week. But this friday is different. Because, despite is a friday, my meal taking and sleeping hours havent been reverting to the correct times and time. Im still having a meal a day and wakes at 1pm as I stayed up until 4am to finish my Internet games with Irene, May's housemates. What is our favourite pick? Dream Chronicles!

So, for our meal today. It was similar as these but the prices differs alot. So, they look like this:

and this:

Yeap.. We had japanese food for dinner. But I had my stomach full of japanese food with just RM 4. How? Easy! We made it! May and I decide to make Maki and eat at home to save up some money as we are running out of them!!!

So, how do our Maki look like? One word - PRO. Best ingredients made and rolled by best hands:

Trust me. They taste the same as other japanese restaurants :P Ok.. I know the mayo eggs seems to be "too sufficient", but we just added to it to avoid wastage. There are many Africans kids starving out there, mind you! But, they still taste GREAT!!

I guess this will be my last japanese meal for this sem :P

Everything seemed like coming to clear...

At last, I somesort know why Archie dint find me this coming. He was really busy. But then, popped another problem that make me doubt our relationship. It wasnt convenient to share it here. But yet, I really hope i get the answer i want from him. But, somehow, I want a true anwer from him. Not a fake one just to avoid me being sad. Anything, but truth.

And at last, Marchie got her result edi.. And she passed everything!

And that, the best news for the day!

Frust and desperate

Alala... my mood have been really eating me up! From 3 meals a day, im down to 1 meal a day. I almost wanna go sleeping with empty stomach.

Then, cant sleep as well. The mind is still stuck with the problem with you-know-who. Again and again remind myself in all sorts of manner, good ones and harsh ones, yet, nothing helps.

I really dunno what should i do. No idea at all.. Im blank

I just want to know his whereabouts now, that's all. Issit too much?

Phone not on for the whole week already and sudden silence really is a sign of bad thing would happen. Why happen now? Why just dont tell me direct to face so that i wont think more... Why Why Why?

Oh God.. I really pray. Hope everything really runs off well..

Stars...

Mood havent been improving. So, was trying to distract myself again by writting my blog. If not, Ill go insane...

Stars... Stars are actually rocks but why do people love stars? Because of their shape or light? I like it because of the twinkling light of its..

Ok. Im writting craps here. My mind havent been working in order for the past week.

This blog is nothing about the 5-pointed rock, but is about horoscope. Few weeks ago, I went to Pavillion and these dolls are on sale. They are basically dolls for different horoscope. So, i took pictures of them illegally with their descriptions as well:

PIECES: Cupido - Make 2 people fall in love with a single beat of his red heart

TAURUS: Orange Butch - By just barking or farting, orange butch can turn his enemies into stone for 10 seconds

VIRGO: Blinky - A mesmeriser master who can hypnotise anyone within 3 feet of him with those spellbinding eyes

LIBRA: Blurr Blurr - Has 2 antennas on his head that serve as sensors for approaching threats

SAGGITARIUS: Charco - Can set things ablaze with a snap of fingers but he only does so when he is furious

So, was the description match your personality? For me, it wasnt quite sure. But the choice of the day was still this:

Get myself away from thinking negative things...

Being moody for the past few days have been really killing me. I almost went insane. Luckily i made the best move at the very last minute. I decide to go somewhere else where i can get distracted, somewhere near my best pals from my kampung. So, I travel myself at 9pm to May's place. All taxi drivers were trying to take advantage on me by charging me RM20 for a RM6 ride. So, to show my objections towards their behaviour, I slammed their door after saying a "thank you" with a sly look. Yes!

So, i took LRT instead although i was with a heavy bag and my lappie (a word quoted from Aanhry). And my shoulders were the ones taking all the toils!

After a night of sleep at her place, which is sufficient to distract myself abit from the pain i have, we went to a place called Free & Easy to have our lunner.

I quite like the concept of this small eating place. It is situated on the 2nd floor of the shoplots, like any other boutiques to save on their rents. They have magazines and games (UNO Stacko, UNO Spin, board games, online computers equiped with webcam).

So, here are some pictures of the place:

The settings in the place. We are bare footed and we sit on cushions to eat. The cushions were bean bags. Pretty much comfortable.

See those writings on the walls and also the tables? They are basically words written by the customers using marker pens or even liquid paper. Really an art.

This is the best quote for me:

Ok... I dont mean anything racist. But, still, pork is my choice. Way to go Orang Normal!

Stacks of magazines. More on chinese magazines. But they also have an outdated Cleo :(

Their drinks are served with a hotpad that says: Fook. I think they hand-sew it. Gold threats de oh... Dont play play.

My meal - Pork chop in Thai Sauce.


Me, pouring the Thai sauce on my "baby"... OOooohhhhh...

So, it was pretty much a great lunner with May and Irene. You guys must be thnking this place must be a posh. Well, nope. It is targeted to students here. So, you all can guess the prices the charge. No service tax or gov tax at all! :)

Ooooohhh... Did I drop down my signature? Yes... 2 signatures! Where? Go and search the Uno Stacko, and ull see it! Hey! Vandalism? I guess that's the theme for this place. Vandalism can turn to art k?

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

Ok. I mean nothing here to spread the beliefs but I just wanna share, the definition of LOVE to me.

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but will rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where they are tongues, they will be stilled; where there are knowledge, it will pass away. "

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

You all must be looking as if you are reading some symbols here. Why such title match with such content?

Well, is because when come to LOVE, the unlucky ones would be evantually having two roads to choose.

Road 1: Do what you are happy with and dont care what others think negatively on it and risk of getting hurt again.

Road 2: Do what others think and you know you wont be happy (for now or/and forever).

You are at this junction. Which would you choose?

From the picture above, just ignore whether the 3rd person (in blue) is guy or girl, in this relationship, who hurts the most? Who should be taking charge of changing the whole thing? Try imagine you are the person in blue (either you are a girl or boy), which road would you take?

What's on my mind

Im still waiting for his msg. At last, I couldnt stand it that i took the heavy handphone to msg him. I found out that his handphone was off. Yes, i would have thought that he wouldnt have bring his chrager like every other trips. Just a sudden, I just barely see the chance of meeting him this time around.

Maybe you say im pathetic, or I was the one bringing myself into all these trouble. I just have no idea how this guy can affect me so much. Everytime, I would say he avoided the problem but lately, Ive been thinking... Am i avoiding the problem too?

I just dunno how to express the feeling I have right now. Good holidays? I think it will just be destroyed by this mini little fella.. I have no mood at all right now. What's getting on me?!?

Had a bad day...

There was so much to blog about for the last few days. but computer was broke down, MAXIS is under upgrading that affect my line (That's what according to the MAXIS dealer say without prior notifing me), waiting for a call from Archie and finish playing all my games and movie. Had nothing much to do. Plus, I felt bad whenever i borrow Cat's computer to online cos she is in her study week.

I just dunno why my computer keep deleting wireless drivers. And to my amaze, they cant give me a new computer because of this although i am under warranty! They say is not included. But Why ME? Everyone uses the same model and brand that i have, a more heavy user than I do, but they never have problem with their laptops! I wasted hundreds of money to call their so-called toll free line that cost me a fortune already! They came up again and again, change and change, pay and pay, complain and complain, but the problems just never let my computer lonely! And now, they are telling me, since the problem occurs half a year ago (I dint bother to call them cos was busy and inconvenient for me when i went back to my hometown), they are so "kind-hearted" to give me a free engineer to help me reformat my computer. YES. Read it again: R-E-F-O-R-M-A-T!!! And so, im backing up my datas. Lucky Cat has a external hard disc. If not, Ill cry harder.

So, i hope everything would be fine after tomorrow when the free engineer come.

But, the most saddening is waiting for Archie to call me or even text me, telling me his whereabout. Aiks.. Who am i to ask for such treatment? Yes, i wanted to meet him but YES again, i dont want to make as if to force him to meet me up. Moreover, I don't know whether Ill disturb him or not if i really finds him.

All I can do now, is to pray that everything would be alright. Please... I want a good holiday, not a bad one.

Ill update my blog as soon as I can. :(

10 days without news and internet..

Hoho.. when you read about the title, maybe you were thinking im off to somewhere or to some kind of planet which is unreachabe by phone, internet or even dove (pollution kills all the lovely doves..awww...)

But, erm.. It wasnt quite the case. I went holidays with my dear parents pass 10 days. And, so, I dont have anytime to spare to blog. Kiki..

So, what did we do? Well, the pictures below tell all. Pictures means a thousand words rite?

Waiting for the sun to rise at my place.. As soon as the sun rises, Ipoh, here we come!

Scenery on the way to recreation park from Ipoh..

More scenery from Ipoh..

And more..

Can you see the fishes? So big right? Aww... I miss steam big fish from Sandakan so much.. But these fishes (Ipoh) are to be fed not to feed.. *Sobbs*

Isnt it cute with its big eyes and mouth? Found it at Jusco in Ipoh Parade when I, Purple and Terrorist were searching for presents for Jaycy, Popo and also Chopstick. Cost = RM33 (expensive le!)

Ipoh famous for its chicken rice and bean sprouts. We waited for hours before we are served with these from Ipoh most favourite shop! Trust me, the pork balls are superb too. I have 2 bowls of it..

Wakaka... Paiseh paiseh..

Ohohoh.. Ipoh White Coffee served right from Old Town's shop! Omigod! This coffee is better than i thought! And yea.. I had 2 cups that gave me trouble on my way to the next stop, Penang. Was so paiseh when the whole bus need to wait for me to go to toilet.. But i guess, I would still do the same, maybe also tapau a cold white coffee, if given another chance!

The same ferry that i took to and fro from Penang Island to Penang Mainland. Only cost RM1.20 to and fro le.. Cheap right? The breeze to mainland was superb but it was steaming hot when return. Why? Dont ask me. I sux in physics.

The beach of Penang. And there is where I enjoy my Ais Kacang (pic below). But i prefer Ipoh Ais kacang.. Taste better..

Aha! The Francist Light building. Looks familiar? Go search for your Sejarah Book Tingkatan 2! Or was it Tingkatan 1? Hmmmmm....

The Ship. It is a restaurant in a real ship. They say they serve the best steak in Malaysia. Tak percaya ke? Go and try, and let me know. Situated at Batu Feringghi, Penang.

So, that's my trip to Ipoh and Penang. Ive to rush back to KL for my results of my Sem 4 exams. Luckily, it was better than i thought. But, will i win Archie for this sem? I never win him before. We'll see when his results is out!

Well, KL, my boring living place.. Keke.. Though is boring, but i guess, I still have to make some activities for me and my parents. So, here in KL, we or I:

Found My 2nd lover.. Muacks! Loong Loong, my dear little nephew! He is so adorable!

And my nieces (spell like this ka?) Jia Yee and Yi Vun. Omigod! I think i love kids at this age. So, easily to please! Er... Judging from the look of Yi Vun, I guess she is trying to be "cool" or was she angry cos i snatch her away from her dinner? Muahaha... Who cares! Im the Yiyi here. Im the boss!

Life in KL is not complete without shopping. But for me, i prefer window shopping. This is the only bear i found in Harvey Norman, Ikano, bedding section. It was there on a bed that cost more than RM3000! But this not-so-good-looking or not-so-good-for-touching bear, cost a fortune. How much do you guess it cost? RM 100? That is already an abnormal price for a bear in this size! Ahem... Ladies and gentleman, this bear cost RM556. 90! Yeap.. No kidding! Since i cannot own it (i dont want either, duhh..), so, i took its picture and let the whole world know how 'precious' this bear is! Toys are getting expensive huh?

Moral of the story for parents, Never Bring Your Kids to Harvey Norman!

Moral of the story for kids, This Is What You Want for Better Grades!

While we were loitering around 1U, we met Pooh and his friends. How i wish i could go up and take a picture with them! Lucky Brat in the middle! Spoilt Brat! I guess, my age would terrify Pooh and his friends. So, better take their pictures from far... *cries*

KL got good stuff to eat also geh.. Like this eggtart. Believe me, it is SUPER crispy. Can you count how many layers are there of the pastry? This shows how skillful the chef is.

However, i think KL is lack of good drinks. This Pink Guava Aloe Vera drink, taste like nothing except 2 drops of pink guava and aloe vera extract and 10kg of sugar in a cup of water! Yucks... No wonder, Diabetes patients on the rise!

I guess that's all for the 10days. However, I would like to share with you, what I and Annhry did on 15 May, right after our exams!

Know her? She's Marie Digby. She was here in KL! And this is the 1st time, i ever pay attention to any western singer that have their showcase here in KL. Thanks to Annhry and her friend, Anson, for getting us the VIP pass! (I wouldnt bother to push and pull in a crowd to see a singer, except my favourite singer.keke..) Annhry was the 1st person to let her sign her album, Unfold.

Marie Digby's album - Unfold with her signature. Dont know her? Impossible. A Katak di bawah tepurung like me also know ahhh.. Go search in YouTube. I like her song, Unfold because she told us the reason why she wrote that song.

Excited Annhry together with Marie's album, freshly signed. But too bad, the album belongs to Anson and Anson did not give her another copy until Anson send us home! WTH! Gik Si ahhh..

Me, Annhry and her cousin (sorry, i dont remember her name). But the cousin was a sweet girl. We took this picture before Annhry sleep at my place. Was a lovely evening with Annhry and Anson and Marie..

Afraid...

There are lotsa things that make us go Gaga, afraid. Exam results, cockroaches, big lizards, etc are the things that makes me go Gaga. But, recently, i found out, the worse fear of mine would be LONELY.

I guess my all my pals will laugh their hearts out, when read this, cos i dont seemed to have time to be lonely. Either im busy with work, or ill be busy creating activities with friends or family, errr... mostly friends.

Everytime, when someone that meant so much to me leaves, my feelings is always the same = LONELY. I always thought that having more friends makes dull days better. But we never thought that when you realise one by one your friends leave you, either the friendship has fadded or they are far away from you.

I ever thought, even one day, im gonna live by my own, my life would be normal. But, hell No! I just realise, even when i study, i need to online just to make myself feel that there are people around me when i'm studying. If not, ill just send thousands of sms to my buddies and just wait there for any replies from them. Archie, Marchy, May, Aanhry, Octopy, Snoopy and Monkey. These are the common people that brightens my day more.

These 7 people are the closest to me. So, when any of these do not reply to me, i wont be mad. Ill be just wondering why they dint reply, was it because ive did something wrong or they decided not to reply anymore to me?

The worst thing would be Marchy is leaving soon. She is the one that hears all my cries and laugh at all my stupid things that i have done. She knows ALL the secrets of me. You can hunt for her if you want to know about my secrets. But im sure, she is someone i can put my trust in to keep it till i leave this world. Is not the other 6 i cannot trust, is just that, I felt more comfy talking to Marchy. She is like my sister already.

Somehow, i do feel afraid. When time goes by, all of them, would leave me, one by one, and this includes Marchy. I dont want to get distanced from them. Will time change everything? Including relationships and heals wounds?