Waking up at this hour....

Waking up at this hour when im blogging now, is just not a very good time... You wanted so much to crawl back into your blanket under your full speed fan or aircon, but you just cant... Just torturing enough.. But yet, Ive to get up to settle what have happened in my life recently.

Clock just wont stop ticking for me. Been rushing for datelines, datelines and datelines. Ive to go through all my mood of stopping down, my desire to slack and also my will to take things more slowly. Because of this... I again, felt very lost. But this time, I really dunno whom I wanna turn to.

My jimuis, all of them are attached to so much things happened in their life that I dont wanna be their burden anymore. Some have move on to the next stage of life, some are just like me, trying to be a tough cookie, trying hard to be strong in front of others. I just cant bear to add more things to their perfect life, or even worse, to those who's life is just not as perfect as it can be.

Did wanted to turn to my cousemates. But yet, they are just as busy as I do. Why do I have to load them with my own feelings? Something not very encouraging to make them move through their difficulties as well. Besides, I guess guys and girls cant really be good friends? Opposite sex good friends, that i once was close to, start to withdraw from me. For me is ok, as long as they felt comfortable. Yet, i feel its kinda wasted losing someone as dear as normal good friends, that would just stand beside you, getting you through life, but it just wont happen as im a girl, and they are guys.. What i thought previously was wrong then. It shouldnt be applied here in KL that guys and girls can be friends.

Now.. this is where i felt lost. dunno where to turn, dunno where to go, aimless....

And that's when i started missing Archie, thinking of times when he used to stand beside me to get me through and also the time, when he started to drift away... and this makes me cry..