313...

The time im blogging now is 3.13pm :) The date of my birthday, if you read the 1st number as the month, and the later 2 digits the date. if you read the other way round, 2 digits in front the date, and the last number, the month, it will represent my other friend's birthday..

Actually, u all may think why i wanna make 313 as this blog's title. Because, i thought at this time, I thought I can be strong enough to stop the feeling of missing someone that I thought Ive moved on..

Today, when i got up and signed up to my msn, I received an offline message. Is pretty obvious is a spam or virus, that help you to send messages when you are offline. I have a couple of incidents of these. Even a few friends for several times. But this morning, it was from an email that I never expect it will ever send me again.

Is from archie's old email, a message of spam. Archie never send me offline msg or even his email never send me a spam. This brought me back to the thinking of the time when he was called Wintermelon by all his friends. I was somesort the first few human beings in this world that called his english name. Then, after he went into U, people know him by Archie, and he decided to open another new email account archie@gmail.com.

When i saw it was wintermelon@yahoo.com, i just felt numb. Maybe in me, i asked myself to move on, and assure myself that I have moved on, I have to, but maybe, in the end, i was just lying to myself? Maybe i do wanted to know what is going on with him and do wanted him to just send me a msg like before?

Im blogging now not because TT asked me to blog, but at this time, my tears fell, while listening to song by the singer that I love only. I never guessed Ill miss him at this time, this hour. I know I should be doing my CTT now, but am heavy hearted, to continue typing my 3000 words assignment.

Many things happen around me, forcing me to be strong to myself, and to people around me. Everytime, when i was strong for others, I wonder, how could I go on, when im weak inside? I know im just good at telling others what should be they doing, keep moving on, and let the future tells as well as letting the love you get from other people to cure the wounds, but those words, just never proven to be effective for myself.

Today, i did a test on fb, on a heart test. It says that my heart is booked. I smile when i look at the answer. because i thought it was crapping. I even LOL.

I do wanted to move on.. But recently, i always felt that God is hinting me not to give up on Archie. Maybe in the sense of keep praying for him, but frankly, i wanted to give him up cos i dont want to be reminded of the cuts and bruises he gave to my heart. Quizes and tests online make me thinks of what he told me before, but i bravely brushed them off, thinking I have moved on..

Like what i told Marchy, this therapy is not a short term therapy. No one can get me out. No one knows how long it gonna take. No one can know what makes me felt better. Only love is the ingredient and with not a single of reminder of the person who have hurt you.

You may not be hating the person that hurt you, yet, you just felt you miss the time spent together. You may want to hear from the person, yet, whenever you never get what you expected them to do, you start going into your world of depression. You may hope that all these never happened, but it did, im afraid to say.

All you can do now, is trying to stand up for YOURSELF, being STRONG for YOURSELF, walk OUT of this YOURSELF, and trying to make the PAST as a lesson that you will only keep for reference.

Marchy, Im also sorry for not being able to be strong for you at times, but im sure, we will walk out this through, because we are pieceans, the though cookies outside, but inside, filled with warm. We will make this through together.

I want to apologise to Marchy, TT and Aanhry, if i cant be strong for you guys, when i should be. I can only continue praying that all went well with us..

Baby March.. To everyone that is being hurt by someone that you really wanted to keep for the rest of your life, but it just turn out he/she is not...at least for now. Let's see what's for us in future.