Me?

Do I know myself?
What do people think of me? Do I care?
Was me the core of the problem?

Recently, there are much shocking news for those single friends, which are attached. I think cupid is really busy this year. Guess cupid missed me out, but... whatever. I dont wanna think.

I have to admit quietness and loneliness, do kill me. This 2 things never affect me much back then, because I think im simply satisfied person, a good book, a good entertainment, ample workload, sufficient sleep and lots of good food, that's enough. Even staying in my own room, staring into the ceiling the whole night with my cheapo radio, will make me smile.

Nowadays, even when I got all these, smile is forcefully given, EXCEPT I can brush things away that moment. But after that moment, common gal, Ive to come back to reality.

Have been giving up lots of thing recently, even people. I used to think that I need to treat people as how I wanted them to treat me, but i realised, even friends that I consider them as friends, can turn to a stranger totally.

I start to harden my heart, for anyone, except those that I still consider as part of me. I start to wear mask to meet people. I start to get restless in saving friendship that Ive sowed, but was bulldozed by the person. I start to give up friends.

Some say I was the one to blame. Maybe it was me that I think they have mistreat me. But seriously, I was disappointed. I was disapponted, not mad, just simply disappointed, and dont want to do anything about it anymore, including thinking of saving it.

I just want to protect myself from being used, disappointed and hurt again... that's all. Is just fear...