Numb and dumb.

Recently, Ive been listening to this song again and again.

I think it sings out the feeling in me, as the main actress inside.

I always think Ive moved out from the past. But without me realising, I was actually still inside the pit, or all these while I was the one not admitting im still inside?

Recently, I miss him even more although I know I shouldnt be. I know it is all ended. Ended totally. But I, just suddenly miss him so much.

Tears came rolling over and over again. sleepless nights came about again. Everyday, I open my eyes, there is this feeling of missing him so badly, but I tried so hard to brush it away. Prayers are the daily routine for me to keep me strong and still.

I can sense there are a few guy friends that was hinting me about going with me, but I know, Im not ready yet and they are not the ones. I am very certain with this.

But yet, when tears rolled down, and when heart aches again, this time, I found no one I can turn to. No one at all. For my jimuis, they have things to be busy with, their own life, and even their own love life have to struggle. For my best buddies, I dont want to share anymore because I really dont want them to think I have feelings for them. For those whom I have sent wrong signals[whether I have, or you were just thinking I had], Mr Rub Shoulders and Went, I am sorry to you all.

People always say that there will be always someone there for each and everyone, but i guess, there is just no one for me.

There are just too many thgs happen in life that makes me limping to go on with this life. Tears will continue to roll down with a smile on the face. I will continue wearing this mask of mine until HE turns out for me.

But i think that day is not gonna be here for me, a simple looking girl, with nothing special compare to other girls, except with a big appetite for food. Never.

Love changes...

You and me.

It makes you melt in heart when it came along,

But it hurts more than a cut in flesh when it went away.

It makes you weak in legs when it is there,

But it strengthens you when it went away, IF and only IF you can keep positive.

It makes you believe in yourself when it is there,

But you lost yourself when it went away.

It gives you courage to face everything to make it sustain,

But you trembles when it had to go away.

It makes you smile when you are sad but in love,

But you couldnt cry when you are sad but alone.

It changes you without you realising,

But people around you realised it.

It makes you want to stay in that position forever,

Yet, that is not the case if it is not meant for you.

Dear Marchy,
I know time and distance has changed both of us, in the perception of love. We used to know what we are doing is correct or wrong. We used to know whom we love, and whom they love us. We used to be tagged as girls of courage. We pose a strong figure in everyone's eyes.

I know, this is not we want in other people's mind about us. Yet, we have to accept that.
We have to accept what people sees in us, and make use of it to build the life that we want.

MSN and phone have distanced us without us knowing, yet, both of us also, because of this, are forced to be strong for ourselves when just NO ONE beside us can be strong for us, while we have to be strong for others.

Being alone after a journey of relationship, is never an easy period. I dont want to blame it on anybody, but it seems that our lives is never calm and in the way we expected. I also do not know how to explain why both of us are chosen to go through so many of the things, which girls of our age DO NOT have to go through. I really dunno, and if I am given a chance to choose, I dont want to be a girl whom everyone thinks im strong enough for EVERYTHING.

I know, both of us are lost and tired. Really exhausted looking at the life we used to have. Reflecting the time when we were still together, working hard for the life we want, working hard to maintain a relationship that everyone thinks will fail, but we chose to believe our partners. We are just too tired in loving someone else, beside ourselves.

Maybe of what happened, had made you really undecided of what you want and changed you. Seriously you and I need a break from all these. We really do not deserve these. We are like any other girls, willing to be loved by people we loved. We just have to wait.

When you have found the person which you claimed you love, why did you ever let him go because of others saying that u have changed? Why do what others think affect what you want in life? Eventually, the person who gonna live with him, is YOU, and not them.

I do not dare to encourage you to accept Mr Russian, because I do not know him, and I do not know how much you love him. But, Dare to Love, Dare to be hurt. That's the rule of the game.

If you are still lost now, stop pouring your love for any other guy, but find back who you are, and what kind of guy you want in your life. Be sure what you want in life, and that will guide you to it.

I really wanted to be there with you. Because there are times too when I really wish to just cry beside you without saying anything else. But I know is not possible for the time being. But I know, both of us gonna be stronger for each other and for ourselves because of these. There are still many beautiful things to be observed besides all the obstacles we have to go through.

I will always be there for you to support you, because I know you know what your limits are and I am certain that you know what you yourself is upto. For the time being, start thinking positive. We really have to move on with life. Achieve what we wish to have before and made in our schooling days.

Girl, be strong...

Disobedient eyes...

Tonight, eyes betrayed me.

So much promises Ive done to myself, yet, is this time of the year, that I give myself an excuse to express what I really felt inside >>>> Tired, exhausted and hurt.

People often thinks Im afraid of nothing. NOTHING. Strong in the inside, hard as diamond outside, although there are some air in the head everyday meeting me.

Sometime, Im tired to think of all negative things happen in life. Im fed up with myself of keep motivating myself to walk on this life with courage and smile.

Sometime, I even felt, I have to hide my tears in order to be strong for others.

Sometime, I felt I dont want to show it out, because I know there is no point of doing it, because for others, I am strong.

Sometime, I felt my tears are just cheap longkang water, because no matter how it is shed, no one will appreciate it, no one would understand, no one would know how to wipe them from my face forever.

They do have a point. Because the tears shedded, can only be controlled by the individual herself.

But this time of the year, I think I do have an excuse of taking my own time to heal the hurt Ive been going on in my life. Just too much sorrow, that I have forgotten many beautiful things that happen in my life. Because the beautiful things just happened in the past.

Great things happen now, have to happen non-stop for a few years to really cover up whatever things that happen in the past.

But for this time, I needed a break, from being strong for anyone else, but myself.

I know, it gonna be hard because memories start to appear again although everytime, I bravely sweap them away.

I assure myself with lotsa things happen around me, that decision made is the best. That everything is perfectly alright.

But tonight, eyes betrayed me. Betrayed what had I believed in myself.

But im just exhausted. Is just a girl, that everyone thinks she is strong, felt lost and tired...

It happens again.

It just happen again although I tried hard to control. But it just no use controlling. Tears roll.

Tears just rolls when the song of Mayday hit me while reading what Purple had write in her elective report, the conclusion part.

" It was a very memorable trip, I would say. I gain more than I ever expected. We get closer to each other after this trip especially after mount Kinabalu climbing. We worked on hard and hold hand in hand to reach till the peak. The best thing that I gained is determination and motivation to reach till your goal. When you have decided something, you have to hold on strong to reach there even when you feel so tired and wanted to give up. However, always remember that there are always friends by your side that motivate you to move on. They will always be there to encourage you and help you to reach your goal.

It is just like our life in Bpharm course. It is never easy for us to reach and hold on until we graduate. There is always too much to study with too much pressure, either from ourselves, from parents or lecturers. However, everytime we will motivate each other not to give up no matter how. Eventhough we feel stress out and restless at times, the determination in us, motivates ourselves as well as people around us to strive on strong in Bpharm.

As souvenirs, we back to KL not only with sunburn and muscle aches but also great memories that will stay in us forever, that will hold us no matter how far we are distanced. That is the priceless souvenirs that anyone could ever get.

If someone ever asks me, will I visit Sabah again? The answer is a definitely a yes. It was the most enjoyable trip I have ever been and it will be an unforgettable memory for me, forever and ever."

* Have been edited to not to make it like a report*

I just couldnt stop my tears from falling tears. To see how the trip that I have been trying hard to pull everyone together as well as giving ppl most unforgetable memories, which I thought, it was all thrown into the drain, turn out to be something that still gives ppl that have joined the trip, a spark in their life whenever think back the trip.

Purple, you said Ive made you cry with my blog entitled: To PURPLE, I think this report of yours, made me cry. Made me misses you so much. Made me regreted I dint take many photos with you all. Reminded me of people that have left your life, let them leave cos the really good ones will stay on forever.

Terrorist have asked me to write an article for this trip, instead of making it like a report, I think I will write in my point of view. It will totally from me, Grace. And with you all great ones that make my life fuller!

really blank

What do I think now?
I have no idea.
For 2 weeks already since I slept deeply.
I havent been sleeping well these few days, on'ing my drama's 24 hours/day, sampai computer also show blue screne!

I know I have to be strong to counter all those negative feelings inside me.
From dunno how to start my 2-weeks oral presentation, to eating at very odd hours while grumbling bout my weight that terrifies operators in Pharmaniaga,
From getting money for my convo mag to an activity that I wanna make it happen,
From being clear with what I have to do to know what I wanna blog,
I think.... I have no idea what im blogging now.
Just because Im B-L-A-N-K now.

I just dunno what my heart wanna say and do.
All I want to do is sleep.
And eat.
And crap.

I know there are more people out there, which are more in need than I do,
But I dunno where my strength and drive to work.

People say Im strong. People say I should fear of nothing.
Wuahahahahahaha.... What a joke. I wonder what makes them think so.
A strong person is always an ugly duckling.
Maybe that's the reason why they say im strong?

To Purple

Dearest Purple,
U say I dont support.
U say that was NOT a small thing.
U keep reminding yourself of the painful past

How much do you know people around you have suffered emotionally?
How much do you know what happened to you, also had a GREAT impact on others?
How much do you know how hard is it for us here to move on, juggling the life without you, while you say we dont care at all? while you say you have the right to be depressed?
How much do you know, beside the thing you are going through that have nothing to be done anymore, we also have to deal with lotsa changes but trying to be strong physically?

You say I dont care.
Yes, I dont care.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason why I brush off our memories when we went grocery shopping nowadays.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason why I was only silent when preparing meals.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason why terrorist came down to accompany me, while was preparing meals, avoiding the memories of you here.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason why I have problem falling asleep.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason why I stressed up until my biological activity is disturbed.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason why I still smiles and tell others you are all alrite though tears in heart shedded.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason why I lost my drive to work for activities.
Yes, I dont care, and that was the reason I never take this as a funeral of the future, but a funeral of the painful past.
Yes, we dont care, and that was the reason why we all here was trying to avoid any topic that reminds you with us.
Yes, we dont care, and that was the reason we still smile to go on, and hope you can do the same, hoping everyday that we will never lose YOU.
Yes, we dont care, and that was the reason we never try to evoke any topic that may remind you of the past.
Yes, we dont care, and that was the reason why we keep the sorrow while being tough for you.
Yes, we dont care, and that was the reason why always wanna make sure you are the "old" you.
Yes, we dont care, and that was the reason why we were trying so hard to ensure you there will be NOTHING to change during this time.
Yes, we dont care, and that was the reason we pray everynite that you can be yourselves and smile is always on your face, while taking this obstacle as a jumping stone for better future.
Yes, I dont care.
Yes, we dont care.

And thanks for reminding me and us, that we never support you.
But thanks again for giving us such lovely memories.
And thanks again for losing yourself to show defeat to this obstacle you have to go through, while we DONT CARE.
Thanks so much to tell us that you willing to give up to depression, and we dont care. Thanks.

My candle is dimming..

Recently, ive been telling myself so many times to forget the past, and to walk on the life with more courage and bravery. Been telling myself again and again. Just too many times.

From losing Archie, to losing my best pal to UK, and now losing my younger sister for her own good as well as losing close friendship, all these piled up to me at a go.

I tried telling myself that letting go might be the best way in order to move further. But is it true?

Losing Archie, changed me alot. From one that believes in true love, to one that doubts the feeling of herself towards others as well as not looking forward to anymore relationship.

Losing best pal to UK, made me felt lonelier at times. Felt scared too, cos afraid that distance and time will change the relationship but was again reassured by her that it will NEVER change. But how long does this assurance gonna last?

Losing younger sister for her own good. Meaning, Ive to sleep alone for the few months, although I know is not as painful as the pain she had gone through, but I am again, afraid of loneliness.

Losing close friends, which now is a total stranger to me. But gaining friends. Will these new friendship patch up the hole made by the ex close friends? Which one hurt more?

I admit. I am never good at handling separation. I admit that i will not put everything to myself because I surely am not that strong to hold the tears again and again.

When will be the time when I can finally have a shoulder to lean on? Someone to remind me again and again that there is nothing matters except me? Someone that I can really put my burden on? Someone that do not let me go through separation again?

Maybe, I was being strong enough for someone else. For how much longer I can brush all these negative thinking and tears away and be strong for everyone, including myself? For how much longer Ive to bear all these? For how long can I still shine this small candle of mine in the dark?

Have you ever...

Have you ever felt that the world stop turning for you anymore?
Have you ever felt, you are just nobody to everybody?
Have you ever felt, the future of yours is no longer in your hands?
Have you ever felt, you are just alone to deal with everything?
Have you ever felt, you just dunno who to turn to?
Have you ever felt helpless and useless?
Have you ever felt so empty and blank?
Have you ever felt is all over and no more turning back?
Have you ever felt, there is no longer hope?

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When those feeling come by, how do u deal with it? Who would you turn to? Do they helped?

Im just so blank although I know nothing I can do, except pray and not to think anymore...

A month to remember

25 May 2009 - 20 June 2009 is the date where im attached to a pharmaceutical fact. This is it!



Bangi


By the name of the attachment,
"P-h-a-r-m-a-c-e-u-t-i-c-a-l a-t-t-a-c-h-m-e-n-t" = BORING

Well, well.. what did I get for this whole month?

From pharmaniaga:
Dari mana? Training ke? IMU? Mana tu? IMU = International Manchester United? Berapa lama kat sini? berapa lama lagi belajar? Mau tanya apa ya? Apa binatang yang paling kurang ajar? Apa bunga yang paling kat dunia ni? Ada pak we ke? Tak ada? Jangan tipu tau, tak baik menipu. Ada hati kat saya ke? Boleh saya datang meminang kat sabah? berapalah hantaran yang kamu mau? kenapa tak boleh dengan saya? Bila balik sabah lagi? boleh ajak keluar ke? Apa perasan kamu hari terakhir di sini? Sukakah di sini? Kenapa suka kat sini? Rindukah aku lepas ni? Aku rindu kamu boleh tak? Kenapa tak boleh?

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U all must be thinking im trying to brag here. but was true. U may think I flirt, but I swear I dint. All I did was being helpful in their work by reducing their OT as well as their income (Cos no OT income). Anywork from carrying pails of IPA and pellet to folding packaging boxes, I done all!!! It was damn fun! Lol~ Maybe what Mr Hiam said is true that they like ah moi. Whatever is the reason, they are really good friends of mine.

Through this attachment, beside getting all those jokes from them, building friendship as well as helping them to convey they frust to higher authorities as well as getting all I have learnt in pharmaceutics into life, this attachment had taught me alot about life.

Operators are considered the least level of people in a manufacturing company. Everyone take least attention on them, taking them as labourers only. But i tell u what, they are the engines of the company, and they know more than the executives! They are just the best people in these attachment.

From being an acquaintance only, to telling me secrets that no one else in the company knew (from their private business to their relationship problem). Cant guess they would tell me le... Must be thinking I was a kepoci le.. But surprisingly, they open up to me, and told me and tell and discuss their concern with me. To tell u the truth, some of them are VERY ambitious which they make BIG BUCK$ outside this confined compound. We even talked about religion, a sensitive issue in a peaceful environment beside understanding their work, and the machines :)

Im blessed with a great supervisor (better than Lauren's supervisor that makes u wanna burn her office down!) and mixed with people that are themselves. From them, u learn what true human being should be behaving. U know what is the difference of urban M and rural M. Thanks to UiTM students. They showed their colours. They only are great boaster and bragger. I really really PEKCHEK with THEM!

That is when I need this, which I have consumed a day after being Pekchek-ed by the UiTM students. I think I had a few cups of it.

40% ethanol + Sprite

So, here, I just wanna wish all my production mates (the operators - Pak Yah, Ahzam, Nasa, Zaidin, Nizam, Rizal, Padzil, Amran, Nordin, Mohd., Jai, Zul, Kak Yan, Kak Suzana, Kak Asmah En. Badrul, En. Amzan, Kak Yani, Liza, Kak Nurul, Mas, Kak finaz, Kak Ida, Kak Lin, Kak Zaiton, En. Kamal, Kak Wati, Kak Ida, Kak Ina, Kak Ani and ALL OTHERS!) all the very very best to you all and Project 55 oh :wink. Ill miss u all, starting now already. I have really enjoyed u all.

To UiTM students, please... DIE AWAY!~ The further the better.

P/S: Thanks Kak Zaitun, u open up my mind abit about life being single, and being married.

A nite to remember..I finally met him!

13 June is an ordinary date cos there is yet no friends that are celebrating their brithday on this date, yet 13 June 2009 is a day that ill NEVER forget in my whole life! Because... I met him.. Yet, he made me cry in public.

I and popo were bored staying at home, and finally we made our decision to follow purple to Fish Leong's concert. 2 weeks ago, I was told that my idol, Michael Wong was invited as a guest for Fish's concert. I am fond of Malaysian singers, yet, ehehe... im "kiam" enough to take out money to buy Fish's tickets. Yet, Im michael's fan. When I knew that Michael is invited, I have a flash of urge to get a ticket, but somehow, I dint..cos i gave myself a reason that it is not Michael's concert.

We went there an hour earlier. Is lucky enough that the concert is at Putra stadium and not Merdeka stadium. Thus, we can just walk our way there. I and popo decided if we cant hear or see the concert ouside the stadium, we will just walk home. We just take it as an exercise.

Fish's fans were asked to dress in blue, while me and popo coincidently dressed in red. And when we were asked why we are in red, we answer: we came for Michael! Wuahahaha...

Purple and the rest went into the stadium, just in time. I and popo on the other hand, try to get the best place to see if we can peep into the stadium. Doors locked, guards at every exit, every windows are so well protected and noise proof. Arghhh....

Anyhow, we walk and walked, i gulped down 2 ice-creams, finally, found the best spot! Is a place where guards see the concert through a tv, and can hear Fish sing her fabulous songs! We are different from the guards, cos we are 3 feet away from him. He is inside the stadium, while we watched from outside. Lucky enough also that a few windows are not strongly locked there. So, we watched from the tinted glass panes and try to catch as much as we can to hear Fish's voice.

We were sitting there for 1.5 hours before popo decide to try out luck waiting for people that wanna leave the concert earlier. And guess wat, I tell you guys... U should ALWAYS bring popo to a concert especially you dint buy the tickets. Why? Cos she dare to ask from every people that come out from the exit door! And we actually got a ticket worth RM158 from a mother-son couple! The concert only started 1.5hours out of 4 hours concert!

When we went in... the sitting was so great! We were sitted in the middle, 2 rows from the front of the upper seats!

However, the time that I longed for tonight, really come true in front of my eyes! Michael came out the stage and sang "zhang xin" with Fish. Michael was is Red pants and black t-shirts! So tally with how I wore ah..red t-shirt with black pants! *drool and drool* *more drools*

Michael sang his new cantonese song and was only supposed to sang those 2 songs. But yet, this what wat he said that made my tears fell:

"I was supposed to sing the 2 songs only. Yet, the head of galaxy, ARCHIE, told me that everyone hopes to hear me sing FAIRYTALE tonight. I never expect that this song has changes many people including me and my love ones when I was writting the song. And everyone, FAIRYTALE".

*tears fell*

This 2 words just ring my head bell of my Archie. Fairytale album was my first gift from Archie.

Fairytale, is a song that I never dare to listen or sing in K-box. But tonight, with my idol, Michael, the words Archie and Fairytale. I sang it with tears, never ceased from the very first note to the last clapping from the audience.

Why when i wanted to walk away from the past, yet, after a few months, the feeling of falling into the pit come back again? Why was i reminded of him when I just wanna stop remembering him? Why when i get reminded, I just keep thinking is a hint or something from God, asking me not to forget him?

Im troubled.. Dear God, please hear my prayers.

To TT

Dear TT,

I really find there is no other way to tell you what I have in mind about you. And I understand the condition you are in cos I was there before you were there.

You tend to tell yourself that you are happy, even to people that feels there is something wrong [u think too much la]. You tend to weep and silent without you realising it [where got?]. You tend to close yourself in your room [that is normal ma. tired ma]. You tend to watch or do things to distract your attention, which in a way, is a good way to find yourself [if dont do things, boring ma]. You tend to talk less [got meh?]. You even do things which friends never expect you will do [try new things ma]. You felt lost [no la]. You just changed without you knowing it [really?!? How? No bah. Stop assuming and know me well]. You just simply dunno what you are feeling right now.
***[this is what you gonna say, I think]

I dunno how to tell you or even advice you because this is a monotherapy. You have to walk this out yourself, Im afraid. Your friends can only do their part by upholding you when you needed them. When you need your time of your own, they let you by your own because they know that you need it to find back the old TT that they used to have.

All they want, is just the smile on your face, with the small eyes under your specs. That is all they ask from you. They are not worried. They are not over concern. They just want to make sure that you are perfectly ok. They do not ask for anything else.

Maybe I have done something that irritates you recently. You are always welcome to clarify with me. A person do not know he/she was wrong until they are being told. People who do not accept opinions from others, are people who do not want any improvement in their lives.

Im writting this is not because I wanna beg for forgiveness nor anything else from you, including asking you taking me as a close friend again. Or even, not asking you to treat me like before because you have others which you would prefer, which I really pray that they can help you, helping you in areas that I couldnt. Im writting this because I know whatever I say now do not matter to you anymore. The only I can do, is hope for you to get better each day and hope nothing else from you.

Is really a pain to see a friendship just drifted for whatever reason. Is even hurting to see a dear friend that pretends to be happy which he reluctantly admit that he is not.

Just wanna let you know that there are many people out there knows how much you valued. How much you meant in their life. How much you can do without you realising it. How much you can endure and how much you can hold your tears.

I just hope that, even risking losing this friendship, that one day, you will get out of the pit hole like I did. Then, a true smile will satisfy me, although I may just see it from afar.

I cant do anything. I can only send my prayers to someone ABOVE that controls all. HE will take very good care of you, im very certain.
All the very best, my pal.

Missed the chance or it just isnt yours?

Aha! U guys must be thinking ill be blogging about unfinished Australia trip as well as a recently visited place, the Land Below the Wind, Sabah. Before I feed u all with pictures only with no words, i better feed u all with some words first.. Digest them! [The real reason for not blogging them now is because I havent got all the photos yet :P]

Lately, people, movies and even dramas make me ponder again on the word L-O-V-E. This four letters are killing alot of people nowadays. I would have rate it the number one killer in the world. Is just too much of advices from the old as well as their pressure, that makes you wonder, is being a spinster/bachelor is better than being a dad or a mom?

I always wanted my relationship started without me realising it had started. In other words, I can only fell in love with my close friend.

Few days ago, Sustagen told me that he had a crush with his close fren, Vitagen. Sustagen never expected that he will fell for Vitagen one day, as they have been friends for more than a year already. Not to mention, both are very close friends. Sustagen just found that he is much affected by Vitagen, by her happiness and sadness, but chose to ignore it, and even telling himself that he DOES NOT LOVE Vitagen. But then, come to think about, when one's whereabout become your concern, you just have fell for him/her without you noticing it. Sustagen asked me what should he do to mend his feelings and at the same time Vitagen should never know about it. Vitagen is a cheerful girl that is out-going. Sustagen is afraid to admit to himself as well as to Vitagen. He's afraid he got the wrong feeling and he's afraid once the cat is out, Sustagen and Vitagen can no longer be as close friends as before.

I refer this problem to TT. TT again enlightened me that if Sustagen really love Vitagen, sooner or later, he could not hold it and would show his passion more obviously.

But what if in this case Sustagen is a girl and Vitagen is a boy? Would it be the same as what TT say? Or this time, the girl will willingly let go and walk on with life, without letting the guy know she once had loved him, but do not dare to love him? I, as a girl, have no idea how it will turn out.

The story of Sustagen and Vitagen gave me a ringing bell. What would I do if I am in Sustagen's shoe?

Maybe Im the type of bold ones. If i were in Sustagen's shoes, i would see if Vitagen had the same feelings for me or not. Of course I WONT be showing my passion, because nevertheless of how bold i am, im still a girl k, UNTIL Vitagen (boy) showed some interest too or signs that he has the same feeling as I am. Then, ill have courage to owe it up.

hehehehe... seemed like I beat around the bush, in the end, I still waits for the guy to make the first move. I guess, im just someone that dont wanna confirm things that are not certain. I would rather die the feelings out if no hints were given to me because Im a girl...but of course lar... if I see no future with that guy, i will give him a FREEZING SHOULDER at the very start because I know what I want :D

At last, I told Sustagen, dare to take up, take to let go. Dare to take the courage to love, Dare to let the person be loved. Do not give up hope on any possibilities. If he never gives her up, and hope for the betterment of Vitagen, AND if Vitagen belongs to him, they will one day produce Yakult. Let time tells, and let actions of Sustagen and Vitagen be more clear to each other. All the blessings for everyone that silently love someone now...

Empty

I should be feeling excited and anticipated now, to wait upon the last bell indicating my last paper is over. Yet, these few days, there were no drive to make me work hard for this last paper.

This morning, woke up, thought that at least I can have a great start by urging myself, there is no more time for slacking. Was checking my emails when I received email from Tank, which should be very busy preparing his practicals as well as packing his bag back to KK to celebrate his gf's brithday. From the guy friends I have, Tank is the last person I thought would be sending me those kind of emails, that I received today.

There's a sudden gloomness that set in. I know is not something new in circulating those pictures, but yet, I do felt that, some woman can be so disrespectful to themselves. Were they disrespectful to themselves or were they doing it for the sake of her love one?

I just dunno how to put it into words. After looking at the emails, there seemed to be like a ringing bell that what really love means to the people nowadays. Or maybe, is just a ringing bell for me to know how to respect myself more?

I just felt empty...