Grand Juniors' Orientation 2008

Is the time of the year again. What time it is? Summer time? Nope... Cos in Malaysia, summer is almost everyday. We all know that. Party time? Hmmm... Partly right. But to be precise, is Orientation time!

This year, is my GRAND juniors' orientation. Yup...you spelled it: G-R-A-N-D. And this means im elligibly called the old woman... How sad that is :'(

IMU is well known for 2 aspects:

1st - They are money sucker for most people! [I guess im one of the victim..Trust me, there were no better option than IMU for this course.. Nasib ada PTPTN]

2nd - Their Orientation is S-U-P-E-R-B! Trust me... There is no other better place in Malaysia to ecperience such unforgetable experience! NO OTHER PLACE!!!

OK... Let's get the ball rolling! So, in most private or public institude, orientation is all about boring lectures of introduction of God-knows-what-the-heck-are-these-subjects-all-about! The most an orientation would go would be taking pics with the juniors. That's if you wanna put your pride down as a senior and the juniors are humble enough to make friends with you.

In IMU, is abit different. To be frank, this year's orientation is WAY TO MILD for the juniors. Indeed! I know what are you thinking..."She's just beating around the bush to say that this orientation was BORING"

Erm.. Yea... sort of in comparison with the orientation that I had. Honestly, the greatest orientation ended 3 years ago. Our batch has the priviledge to enjoy the last bit of fun. Why? Ask those who went to the dean complaining about the fun... *grumph*

The outdoors games were so 'unchallenging'. Instead of sucking a whole mouthfull of spicy water and transfer into the other bucket by duck-walk, this year.. it was substituted with 2 person into a guy's XXXL Boxers and walked down the Underwear Walkway! It's like 2-men-3-legs game. To pour 1kg salt to the wound, all pharmacy customs are demolished. Yes... All of them!

See the size boxers! Burning flame boxers.. Not very much amusing..

There are 2 separated custom in Pharmacy orientation; for Him and for Her.

For Him: 2 girls need to roll raw eggs from one side of the shoulder in the shirt the guy are wearing, and come out from the shorts of the guy, opposite the site of the body. [Get what i mean?, I hope so]. Each girl have to repeat for 40 times.

For Her: ['kacang aje' for me].. Try to get a key from a whole aquarium of fish food; the earthworms.

However, all this custom were no longer here to stay :( All they have is the flour and garlic water. And to my dismay, there are people on this earth is allergic to FLOUR! OMG! WTH? So pity... They can only feed on greens. Raw meat. They cant even have a birthday cake on their birthday cos the cake is made up of flour! STUPID and LAME excuse of not joining! In the end, the grand seniors were the one SS'ing themselves. We throw coursemates into a big bucket of water, we "make up" for coursemates using ink, we make coursemate old with tons of flour. Lucky me, some inconvenience, Im free from the action of the "wolves">>> Just downpour of flour.

IMU is very strict in their dress code. Kononnya, they intend to build a "professional" that works, acts and look like one. :( In short, dress like aunty and uncle everyday. So, during the orientation, is the time where you can dress 'differently". During my time, I was the mickey mouse on monday,the incredibles on tue, Mr Bean on wed, Princess Fiona on thurs, and current fashion on fri. We used to have 5 themes in 5 days. But this year... Sadly, it was just 1 Day! No more hussle of getting up early and get ready for our costumes.. No more brainstorming how to dress like a proper-dressed chun-li just like in the pic on the right. This girl caught my attention cos it looks like octopy to me.. Dont u think so?

The best part of this orientation was to see the juniors and seniors building bonds together. Well, in this orientation, the bond was build between the seniors and the grandseniors. This is well proven with this legendary Jay Chou (senior) and Fei Yue Ching combination. This is a video of the impromptu suggestion to refresh the memory of this pair last year.. What do u think? They do look the respective artist right?

Oh well... there are some fantastic programmes too including the hip hop dance from my juniors. Would like to post it here, but i havent get the copy from mt mentee yet.. Will upload if he managed to give it to me. They were really awesome. Learn from scratch for 4 months for a tremendous entertaining performance. Although this orientation wasnt as fun as before, but I know that the juniors have been putting there 300% effort into making this grandjunior orientation a success.

Oh well, the 2-well-known IMU factor will soon turn to one. Cos the 2nd factor will soon destroyed by all those boring rules and regulations set up due to some people that doesnt know how to appreciate all the hardwork the seniors have made for them. Too bad... Will IMU orientation fun be a legendary as well?

I Love U.. Does it means what it should mean?

What do these 3 words mean to you? I LOVE YOU.. especially from the person that you really wanted to be with for the rest of your life?

I know! The first thing that hits the mind would be: It's so sweet. It will just melt away all you sadness and brightens up the whole day. But what if the sentences was like this:

"Tinkerbell, I Love you.
And yet, I'm not the one for you.
I belong to no one, not even the person I am with now.
I duno whether i love her or not,
but there are thing I cant let go, even though I tried.
That is all I wanna say." ____ Quoted MSN____ * from tinkerbell*

For a girl like me, what i will interprete from this is that the guy really love the girl that he says so. Or maybe I chose to believe my instinct. I dunno whether Im correct or not, but for Archie [if archie is the one who say this to me], I know that he is tired as well. He is saffocated. He is saturated. He doesnt know what he has to do...

This is my answer. Does he means the same as how I interprete it? Was this line also telling me the same Archie that I knew 4 years ago? Was this line the same meaning as what he said to me 4 years ago?

Archie, I just hope you don't give me grey area anymore. I have done what I have to do - to plant the seed of thinking in you and to let you know, that I still loves you. Is all up to you now. I will only continue to pray. And if you happen to read this blog, I hope, one day, you know who you want to have and who you want to belong too..

Archie.. I love you and I really hope, you can find the person that you can really be yourself. A person that you willing to risk your life for her. A person that you really LOVE.

I just wish upon the star that you'll tell me whatever you feels when you have made your decision. God Bless you abundantly.

Top 3 restaurant in KL.. Rated by me.

Hmm... Beside my love for him, there are other things that attracts me geh.. Which is FOOD. Yes... Im blessed with a VERY elastic stomach. Trust me, many of my friends cursed me because of that..Not forgetting, my Ji Muis too..They too cursed me because of this tiny organ of mine. However, God is fair geh.. Im a high cholesterol patient!

So, our countdown. For me, I will go for affordable and most important filling and yummy food. Janji is yummy.. So, my 3rd choice would be Carl's Junior. Why? Hmm... I dont have a picture of those gigantic and monster bites with me already since my comp got reformated and dunno why on earth, many files were deleted [this includes tips for my mentee]..So, for more information, you all can go to my friendster pics to see how gigantic it is. And trust me, you need to upsize it to large!

2nd place would go to a so-so expensive restaurant. This was the place where I wanted to go with him at the first place. But we never can make it. Either we were too full or we run out of time. Somehow, Lauren asked me and terrorist to have TGIF last friday after buying pathetic under puberty mouse from LowYat. It is expensive but trust me, it worth every penny of it. I just dint have the chance to try they cocktails and long island. Just hope that one day I can try with him *winks*.. So, I ordered the 3 course meal which the waiter actually warn me before hand that is gonna be very huge portion. Still, I believe in myself and hulla, guess what? Instead of finishing an appetizer, a main course and a dessert, I finished an appetizer, 1.5 main course and also 2 desserts!

Some part of the restaurant. TGIF Pavillion.

November Sea Breeze. That's my drink. Trust me.. I prefer free flow of coke cos this "glomorous named" drink just taste like F & N Zapple.

My appetizer: Martini Shrimps. This is my 2nd pick since they dint serve Mac & Cheese that night. *sob sob* And still, SDK shrimps are bigger and more filling!

Main course: Sizzling chicken with cheese. When the waiter came and collect my plate, his remarks was: We are blessed to have you here tonight. We dont have to wash this pan since is so CLEAN! Less work.. *wakakaka*

For dessert, is Choc Malt cake. But, I prefer the other dessert that I ate: Cream and cheese. The biscuit was so yummy that urged me to tapau the last slice of it. But of course I dint.. Why? Im sure Lauren and Terrorist wouldnt wanna eat with me anymore next time if I did!

Hmmm... About the half main course I ate was actually Lauren's chicken finger. Not gonna upload here. Or else, u'll all will know how much I "love" food.

So, the 1st place? This place is only for members. Selected members. And believe me, is the cheapest of all compare to the other restaurants. Their portion is just nice and huge sometimes, and their calorie ler wor... BALANCE. And is almost fat free, I mean oil-free! Where? Hmm... Let me show you what they serve:

Appetizers: Sweet cherry tomatoes with an egg. Tomatoes are good for eyes and egg.. for brain.

Soup of the day: Apple chicken soup. There are variety to choose from. From ABC to chicken leg peanut soup. All I can say, guarantee no oil as much as possible.

Main course: 4 season nissin mee with sausages, crab balls and LOTSA vege..

Dessert: Eggs for dessert? And OMG: a red ostrich egg for dessert?

Nah.. Ostrich are protected species. And the owner is kind at heart k? Yup... This is how the dessert looks like. But what it is? Here it goes:

Tada!

However, this fabulous restaurant only opens during the weekends. And is not serving these fantastic mouth watering and saliva dropping food during the weekdays. Why do I say that? Well.. this is how it's weekday food looks like:

So? What you think? Which to go? Is all up to you. Preferably, asking me to go also but the bill.. you know how much it cost for professional consultation. *winks*

I lost my way..

Sem started. Work coming. And more conflicts coming up, friends, group members and within myself..

There's a whole bunch of papers to be read. Whole bunch of work to be done as soon as possible before cracking brain for the mid terms coming up. Whole bunch of plans to go - For next sem's electives, for the year-end trip with Ji Muis and also an individual schedule to finish all the work to be done..

I hardly can breath. The only time I can breath is when i stop and there's where the past crawling back to me. There were bad and good memories with family, friends and him.

It does strike me always why do I have to live? For others or for myself? Why do I have to work so hard and I couldnt enjoy much of my life now? Am I being used by others? Was I too naive to the whole new world in front of me?

Sometimes, or more precisely, mostly, what we expect, never comes your way. It always never work for me.

Yes, have been really ignoring all the bad things but see things from other side of the view. At least, am avoiding from thinking things that make me moody and sad.

Listening to instrumental musics now with a whole pile of journals to be read in front of me, I suddenly felt lost. Im rushing and rushing all my works, and I somehow felt, I have really left alot behind. I dont have a time to spare to really to relax my mind from this world.

Is this part of growing up? Now, i prefer when I was a kid, where I use to command my little brother to take water for me from the kitchen when Im busy with my looney tunes cartoons. In return, I have to hand him the TV controller after my cartoon is finish. I remember when there are times where he played my dolls and I played his soldiers, each torturing each's dolls. Making big bubbles when our maid is cleaning the balcony. Do house chores together and of course always fight because of it. Thought of the day when he made me quarrel and lost my voice for my Grade 8 piano exam the very next day! I passed my exams, but it again, it dint hit my own goal, a distinction.

Life as a kid were so much fun. We pull hairs, we point fingers, we poke each other and yet, after a day, we were hugging and playing together again. There were no hidden fear, no hidden jealousy, no hidden motives.

I once being told that: Give more and expect less in order to be happy.

I am giving alot and expecting less, but yet, sometime, I felt I am no one in the enormous world. Happiness? Is harder as I grow. Is harder than letting a camel through the eye of the needle.

Sometimes, fantasy helps alot. Imagine myself in UK, celebrating christmas with a huge present in front of me and the christmas pudding. Snowing. A huge turkey meal with chocolate cake for dessert beside the pudding. With carols and santa showing up once awhile. The person you wanna be with sitting beside you and looks at you once awhile. Admiring the snow and the stars.

Or maybe walking beside a beach, when the sun is almost set, with a huge gelato ice cream in your hand and you trying to not to shiver cos of the breeze and the ice cream.. Lying at the sand, with no mosquitoes and watch the moon coming out. Listen to your favourite mp3 song, Canon in D and spirited away.

I only hope people around me are happy, so ill be happy too...

Shit me..

I have been trying very hard to forget. I really had. But why, is my heart still feels for him? Because I havent get a definite answer from his mouth? Or because the problem was me, not moving on?

Ive tried hard to forget and forgive. But whenever, I heard he has been contacting some other friends, it hurts me. Yes, i know currently he is overseas doing the nation proud, but it is really devastating, time without his news at all.

I do hope that he will directly tell to my face what he wants. I do and Im ready for all consequences. Should I be honest to him this time again or should I wait till he's the one finding for me and asking me why arent I responding?

ARGHHHHHHH... What should i do? Sun Kei Ji Yin? Sometimes, I do hope the situation can make me do so. I wish my brain could delete the unwanted part.. I need a crash to get my brain damage.. But surely I know, I couldnt give up my life because there are still people who really wanted me to leave. How i really wish I can forget him only if he wasnt meant for me.. Please God. Show me Your way..

Stop Counting...

Stop counting? Yes... Ive decided to stop counting Archieless Days. Why? Because I know by counting, I will always be reminded how hurt I am. So, what makes me change my mind? These are what changes my mind:

A card with 3D flowers with words of encouragement

Little light with BIG meaning of encouragement

Yes.. I admit, Ive been not so happy these few weeks. And yes, Im very good at hiding my feelings in front of others, another word, being a hypocrite in hiding my suffering.

However, today, something brightens up my life. Is a special and unexpected gift from someone that I owe so much, my mentor. She is really an Angel at this time. This lovely lady is named Chiawoon. I wanted to post her picture here to let the whole world see who is this lovely lady but I just realised that I lost all my orientation pictures because of computer reformatting.

God gave me alot of blessing in these few weeks, which I never realised. God gave me someone to love and gave me people who love me. Bpharm is tough and torturing, but Im blessed with friends that I knew and also this lovely mentor in IMU. Frankly, Chiawoon is always there to uphold me whenever I fall..

I thought that she is already a gift for me, when she unconditionally give me all her advices, her tips and also notes. I still remember in Sem 3, when i failed one paper. To me, failing for the first time with a pretty much good results in the past, it was really devastating. I walked aimlessly after receiving the result. But then, when i told Chiawoon about it, she called me directly. To me, she is really someone.. many friends that knew but kept quiet and dont even show any concern.

She never stop encouraging me to move on in studies. And I never thought that our relationship can turn from mentor-mentee relationship to really a goodfriend. I always thought Im a burden to her as I really received alot from her. It is really beyond words how much she had helped me.

Today, unexpectedly, she hand me these 2 small but meaningful gifts. I was in the lecture hall when Ah Yee passed me these 2 lovely things. When I read about the card, tears almost fell down. I never ever expect that Chiawoon is always so near to me. She wrote me a beautiful card with words of encouragements from her. It is not about studies, but she was writing words to mend my internal bleeding.

I realised, I changed. I really changed. From a happy go lucky girl to a girl that is so emo. I used to think it is really painful to think that Archie might have betrayed my trust. But now, I guess, is really time to make people around me not to worry about me.

Yes, I never regret loving Archie. And yes, I know Ive to continue my life, no matter what lies in front of me now or future. The most important thing is that I never regreted.

Now, Ive made up my mind. Whatever have happened, it has happened. What ever I have done, never I regreted. Whatever happens in future, I dont wanna think anymore. There's a saying that goes: We always live in the past and hope for the future but yet, we never live in present. I guess this saying was right. We should live in present and not past or future.

I know is time to really live in present. Yes, it would not heal that fast but yet, I have to.

I promised myself, now onwards, I will live in present, do things that I will never regret and I will try my very best not to let others worry about me anymore.

Thank you people. Thank you Chiawoon..

Archieless Day 8 - Eternal love..

Am watching Forensic Heroes 2. Seeing the couple loving each other so much, I really envy such couples. Hold on to each other till the very end even though one has to leave earlier. Yes.. Im jealous.

Once Jisca asked me, do I believe in eternal love. I said I do. And she told me a something that everyone thinks about love nowadays. They say, the first 3 months is because of true feeling of love, after that, couples are together for the sake of responsibility.

Why? Am I so naive to believe that there's eternal love? I dont want a guy to be with me for the sake of being responsible to me. I rather be alone then being "love" like that. What is the point of being together when there is no feelings anymore?

I guess.. that's the only reason I can give to myself to strive on. It hurts. Yes, it hurts. But as I said, I dont want to keep a man that do not love me but being with me for the sake of being with me. I dont want. I really dont want. But, I really give him all my heart. But.. did he? I just ask for a honesty..

However, during these days, I really thank GOD that He gave me a bunch of GREAT friends that have been so supportive and being by my side everytime no matter how deep shit and terrible shit I was. Im blessed with a long list of great friends. And taking this chance, I just wanna say: I love you guys and big thank you!

Whatever happen in future, I will never regret whatever I have done, including loving Archie. I guess, then only I can live more meaningfully. Thank you guys and thank you, Archie.

Archieless Day 7 - Bang on the head..

Yes.. Today.. Miss the whole day lecture and went to Sunway Pyramid Ice to bang my head on the floor. Jisca was in front of me and she heard that there was a loud bang behind her. And yes.. I had a straight bang to my head.

I thought that i was quite ok when I can move and walk without holding the bars. But yet, maybe the song sang was so suit my feelings these few days, I just cant get my mind to concentrate on what I should, which is Im trying to skate.

After 2 years in KL, seriously, I never ice skated before. And because this time, Jisca, Tank, Garnet and Marchy came over to my place to stay, so, I skipped my whole day lecture. And yes, I was avoiding to think about Archie too..

Had been missing him since that last day he contact me. And I know what I should do after all I heard. But yet, Im not prepared to lose him right now. Of all the semester, this semester I have a project on Business.

Why do I have to come over with things that is associate with him? This afternoon, when I was skating, 2 songs that he loved most aired. I wanted to burst out but yet, I kept the feelings inside. So, all ended with a bang in the head..

But... the bang, have no effect at all. How i wish the bang could just make me forget the hurtful things. Im hoping for another bang in the head :'(

Archieless Day 5

Is already Day 5, yet, the feeling wasnt as good as I thought I would be. Afterall, I wasnt as strong as others might look at me. It wasnt great either when the truth seems to display directly on your face. It was obviously hurtful when you think your rank in the heart of the person you love is already being substituted by another person.

What hurt most is that, I know he is back to our natural city and yet, there is still no news about him. None at all from the day he told me he lost his phone. It was very devastating but what else can I do except to ignore and to accept?

I really wish I have a place in him and my only hope now is that he will repent and go back to the Archie that i knew 4 years ago. I really wish he was the person I once loved. I hope he would be respected of his capability and not disturbed by all these bad side of him.

I know loving someone is to accept his good and bad but I know too, that if I can accept all these without telling him that he was wrong, that is really loving him irrationally. Just like our parents, they love us so much and thus tells us when we are wrong.

I hope I have the chance to meet him within this week. At least, some contact from him. But Aanhry say she thinks he would know that I have known it and wouldnt find me again. But, Im not mad at him at all thought no matter how much I try to build some hatred inside me. Im just disappointed that the trust I gave him, and this is what I got. And the most hurtful is him himself not telling me the truth. I really wish he could tell me directly to face and not me listening to other friends. Anything he say, Ill believe. And yes, this is another way of loving irrationally.

But whatever it is now, the decision is in his hands, not mine. But I do I can have the chance to meet him this week and I have the chance to see him as the person and Archie that I first called 4 years ago..

Day 1 - Trying to get him out of mind..

This is the 1st day Im trying to live without thinking about him. But I couldnt. I even fell tears in the lecture hall. I just couldnt stand it.

I thought that going out will heal the pain, at least for a little, but it dint at all. Went to Pavillion, the place where he loved so much. Remembered the days where we had our giant burgers with unfinished fries although we are both big eaters, pass through his favourite siu loong bau restaurants, went to watch a movie that we went 2 months back, saw the KL monorail which we used to take everyday 2 months back, pass through the bridge that we argue whether it was there few years ago, all those memories came back.

It hurts so much. That i started to cry again for this man. I know he wont know it. Perhaps, he is outside there with someone else, more worthy than me. Yes, who am i to him? A junior to spend time with.. A junior that will share his ups and down when he's willing to share. A junior only. Yes, to him, IM JUST HIS JUNIOR.

Now, he has accompany in KL, is about time, to just leave me cos Im really nobody to him. Is that what you are thinking, Archie? Is that how you felt towards me? Who am i to you? All these while, you are just taking me as a friend, or was it you just dunno how to handle your situation? I believe you when people say you are a casanova, but why now, you have to show me that I was wrong? Where is the Archie that I once knew? Why did you changed to someone like this after you went back to Sabah? Why? Why do you have to make me love you more? And keep hoping that you'll come back to me? And then, all these I heard from Winne about you and her? Why? What happened to you? Were you the person I once love and knew? You wreck me but I still love you.. Why?

The truth always hurts.. But why me?

At last, the day and the news that i dont ever wanna hear. I tried all my very best to ignore everything but I couldnt. Friends have been very supportive and i realised I was the one forgiving and loving unconditionally.

I was the one ignoring all the negative thoughts of others about him. It has been 4 years. And recently, he gave me the feeling that I am still the ONE. But yet, why now? And why is me? Why do i have to suffer all these? What have I done wrong? For loving unconditionally or for not forgetting him as others asked me to do so?

Was it wrong to love someone that you think you really love? Was it wrong to just reject someone directly without doing things that will hurt more?

I am deeply hurt by what he had done. Of all the days, why I need to know all these right in front of me now? I felt so hurt that no tears were coming out from my eyes! For years, Ive been crying for the man I love. For years, I have been supportive to him in every way. For years, Ive been hoping he can give me a real answer one day. For years, Ive been ignoring and forgiving his wrong deeds.

For years, I have been loving someone that I dont love at all? For years, Ive been upholding someone that I shouldnt? For years, only i realised his bad side? But why, my heart doesnt wanna let go until this stage when every single pieces that he doesnt love me seemed to come clear? I dont demand a sorry. I just wanna be with someone that we both loved each other. Was it just a fling to you, Archie? Was it?

Can you please tell me directly? Can you?

A friday...

This is not a VERY happy friday to look forward. Why? Because the new sem is about the start. When new sem starts, that's when hell starts too!

Today, the day started by receiving a message from Archie about his whereabout. Well, Thank goodness, he's still alive and save. That was like such a relieve to me [leganya]! Well, about other matters, I choose to be ignorant for the time being because it's really not a good timing now. A very bad now. So, the day started with a good news afterall!

So, Fridays should be the greatest day of the week. But this friday is different. Because, despite is a friday, my meal taking and sleeping hours havent been reverting to the correct times and time. Im still having a meal a day and wakes at 1pm as I stayed up until 4am to finish my Internet games with Irene, May's housemates. What is our favourite pick? Dream Chronicles!

So, for our meal today. It was similar as these but the prices differs alot. So, they look like this:

and this:

Yeap.. We had japanese food for dinner. But I had my stomach full of japanese food with just RM 4. How? Easy! We made it! May and I decide to make Maki and eat at home to save up some money as we are running out of them!!!

So, how do our Maki look like? One word - PRO. Best ingredients made and rolled by best hands:

Trust me. They taste the same as other japanese restaurants :P Ok.. I know the mayo eggs seems to be "too sufficient", but we just added to it to avoid wastage. There are many Africans kids starving out there, mind you! But, they still taste GREAT!!

I guess this will be my last japanese meal for this sem :P

Everything seemed like coming to clear...

At last, I somesort know why Archie dint find me this coming. He was really busy. But then, popped another problem that make me doubt our relationship. It wasnt convenient to share it here. But yet, I really hope i get the answer i want from him. But, somehow, I want a true anwer from him. Not a fake one just to avoid me being sad. Anything, but truth.

And at last, Marchie got her result edi.. And she passed everything!

And that, the best news for the day!