loneliness is killing me

Recently, i did a fb test on how lonely you are. The test result was saying i am lonely yet not alone. I guess that is kinda true, Because i do have a very good collection of friends.

But yet today, I just felt no one to anybody.

Best pal was faraway, with me unable to share my shoulder to her problems, as well as she cant be standing beside me to lean on and cry.

Other jimuis, are faraway from me, some are just in their loveliest time starting new relationship, which i dont want to be a wet blanket. Others are just too busy with their hectic life. While some are just dont have internet connection.

Friends around me are either out with others, doing shopping or just chill out with old friends or new friends, whereas some just went home to enjoy home cooked food.

Sometime, I do Im not lovable by friends around me. They just gave me a feeling they are refraining me from getting closer to their close friends, or just simply Im thinking too much, they have such intention. Im not trying to be lovable to people, Im just being me...

Therefore, I choose to be dumb. Maybe that is the reason God took my voice away since yesterday, to reflect on my own faults and my own actions, that leads to who am I right now. Stopping me from being a wet blanket to anyone around me. Cos for them, Im just a strong girl, that needs her time once awhile to just shutup and listen to what others say. Or maybe God just want me to keep those sad things by myself, to make the world a happier place.

Im a kind of person that would unconditionally taking my hearts out to make friends, as well as will think for others. I admit that. Is because of this, i often choose people that I can share my rpoblem with. Maybe monkey was right, about the people that know about me, just dont want to hear any problem from me, to add into their life. And maybe because of that, i just dont belong to anyone now...

Maybe I should just keep everything quiet, and be strong to anyone that needs me, because my nature is put others first, and myself last. I guess then the world would be a better place without this pain ass pouring out her problem to others.. Is just maybe...