No one will understand.

People see that im successful, earning lots, having lots of friends around and happily being posted at my hometown. But many of them really felt what i felt?

Never felt so lost. Never felt so rebellious. And i regreted the decision made a few months back. I have to admit, i asked for a retention because of him. But what happen in the end? I just felt im being used. Somehow, he did not realised it. And again, i realised, i was trying to be someone he might like. And in the end, i got hurt again, and putting a strong firm and happy face.

It really kills me. The feeling can never subside and no talkings can help to mend this feeling, except me leaving. How can i leave this place? I hate to say it, but im starting to hate it already...

Stress

Work stress.
PCP to finish. All 80 of them.
2 long case to finish.
1 presentation that i dont have an idea what to tell the audience. "Trend penyalahgunaan bahan psikotropik di Malaysia".
Log books to finish.
Article of switching IV to oral antibiotics.
More viva before my logbooks are signed.
SPSS that i havent touch for 2 years.
Research thesis writing.
All these have to be done in 2 weeks.

Most stress of all,
is the feeling of him not wanting to go out with me alone again.