To TT

Dear TT,

I really find there is no other way to tell you what I have in mind about you. And I understand the condition you are in cos I was there before you were there.

You tend to tell yourself that you are happy, even to people that feels there is something wrong [u think too much la]. You tend to weep and silent without you realising it [where got?]. You tend to close yourself in your room [that is normal ma. tired ma]. You tend to watch or do things to distract your attention, which in a way, is a good way to find yourself [if dont do things, boring ma]. You tend to talk less [got meh?]. You even do things which friends never expect you will do [try new things ma]. You felt lost [no la]. You just changed without you knowing it [really?!? How? No bah. Stop assuming and know me well]. You just simply dunno what you are feeling right now.
***[this is what you gonna say, I think]

I dunno how to tell you or even advice you because this is a monotherapy. You have to walk this out yourself, Im afraid. Your friends can only do their part by upholding you when you needed them. When you need your time of your own, they let you by your own because they know that you need it to find back the old TT that they used to have.

All they want, is just the smile on your face, with the small eyes under your specs. That is all they ask from you. They are not worried. They are not over concern. They just want to make sure that you are perfectly ok. They do not ask for anything else.

Maybe I have done something that irritates you recently. You are always welcome to clarify with me. A person do not know he/she was wrong until they are being told. People who do not accept opinions from others, are people who do not want any improvement in their lives.

Im writting this is not because I wanna beg for forgiveness nor anything else from you, including asking you taking me as a close friend again. Or even, not asking you to treat me like before because you have others which you would prefer, which I really pray that they can help you, helping you in areas that I couldnt. Im writting this because I know whatever I say now do not matter to you anymore. The only I can do, is hope for you to get better each day and hope nothing else from you.

Is really a pain to see a friendship just drifted for whatever reason. Is even hurting to see a dear friend that pretends to be happy which he reluctantly admit that he is not.

Just wanna let you know that there are many people out there knows how much you valued. How much you meant in their life. How much you can do without you realising it. How much you can endure and how much you can hold your tears.

I just hope that, even risking losing this friendship, that one day, you will get out of the pit hole like I did. Then, a true smile will satisfy me, although I may just see it from afar.

I cant do anything. I can only send my prayers to someone ABOVE that controls all. HE will take very good care of you, im very certain.
All the very best, my pal.

Missed the chance or it just isnt yours?

Aha! U guys must be thinking ill be blogging about unfinished Australia trip as well as a recently visited place, the Land Below the Wind, Sabah. Before I feed u all with pictures only with no words, i better feed u all with some words first.. Digest them! [The real reason for not blogging them now is because I havent got all the photos yet :P]

Lately, people, movies and even dramas make me ponder again on the word L-O-V-E. This four letters are killing alot of people nowadays. I would have rate it the number one killer in the world. Is just too much of advices from the old as well as their pressure, that makes you wonder, is being a spinster/bachelor is better than being a dad or a mom?

I always wanted my relationship started without me realising it had started. In other words, I can only fell in love with my close friend.

Few days ago, Sustagen told me that he had a crush with his close fren, Vitagen. Sustagen never expected that he will fell for Vitagen one day, as they have been friends for more than a year already. Not to mention, both are very close friends. Sustagen just found that he is much affected by Vitagen, by her happiness and sadness, but chose to ignore it, and even telling himself that he DOES NOT LOVE Vitagen. But then, come to think about, when one's whereabout become your concern, you just have fell for him/her without you noticing it. Sustagen asked me what should he do to mend his feelings and at the same time Vitagen should never know about it. Vitagen is a cheerful girl that is out-going. Sustagen is afraid to admit to himself as well as to Vitagen. He's afraid he got the wrong feeling and he's afraid once the cat is out, Sustagen and Vitagen can no longer be as close friends as before.

I refer this problem to TT. TT again enlightened me that if Sustagen really love Vitagen, sooner or later, he could not hold it and would show his passion more obviously.

But what if in this case Sustagen is a girl and Vitagen is a boy? Would it be the same as what TT say? Or this time, the girl will willingly let go and walk on with life, without letting the guy know she once had loved him, but do not dare to love him? I, as a girl, have no idea how it will turn out.

The story of Sustagen and Vitagen gave me a ringing bell. What would I do if I am in Sustagen's shoe?

Maybe Im the type of bold ones. If i were in Sustagen's shoes, i would see if Vitagen had the same feelings for me or not. Of course I WONT be showing my passion, because nevertheless of how bold i am, im still a girl k, UNTIL Vitagen (boy) showed some interest too or signs that he has the same feeling as I am. Then, ill have courage to owe it up.

hehehehe... seemed like I beat around the bush, in the end, I still waits for the guy to make the first move. I guess, im just someone that dont wanna confirm things that are not certain. I would rather die the feelings out if no hints were given to me because Im a girl...but of course lar... if I see no future with that guy, i will give him a FREEZING SHOULDER at the very start because I know what I want :D

At last, I told Sustagen, dare to take up, take to let go. Dare to take the courage to love, Dare to let the person be loved. Do not give up hope on any possibilities. If he never gives her up, and hope for the betterment of Vitagen, AND if Vitagen belongs to him, they will one day produce Yakult. Let time tells, and let actions of Sustagen and Vitagen be more clear to each other. All the blessings for everyone that silently love someone now...

Empty

I should be feeling excited and anticipated now, to wait upon the last bell indicating my last paper is over. Yet, these few days, there were no drive to make me work hard for this last paper.

This morning, woke up, thought that at least I can have a great start by urging myself, there is no more time for slacking. Was checking my emails when I received email from Tank, which should be very busy preparing his practicals as well as packing his bag back to KK to celebrate his gf's brithday. From the guy friends I have, Tank is the last person I thought would be sending me those kind of emails, that I received today.

There's a sudden gloomness that set in. I know is not something new in circulating those pictures, but yet, I do felt that, some woman can be so disrespectful to themselves. Were they disrespectful to themselves or were they doing it for the sake of her love one?

I just dunno how to put it into words. After looking at the emails, there seemed to be like a ringing bell that what really love means to the people nowadays. Or maybe, is just a ringing bell for me to know how to respect myself more?

I just felt empty...