I am disturbed..

I shouold be blogging about my Aussie trip, my chinese new year, my new year, my fren's birthday, those happy moments.. but yet, here am I again, grieving..

Grieving is a strong word and yeah... disturbed.

I know I shouldnt be troubled by anything now. I thought I was stronger. yet, im still weak. Still unable to stand up.

I was encouraging a friend to be strong as well, and TT seemed accepting my advice well.

Yet, i know... I can advice ppl, yet, at times, i just couldnt held my feelings for being disturbed..

Only a sight of Archie is online in MSN, and ta-da... Disturbed.

God... I am only praying for faith and courage now. I know I shouldnt be disturbed and I should have been trusting God more. Please be with me until I clearly understood your love for me.

TT told me that is unfair to people who have feelings for me at this moment cos I cant stop them from having feelings for me, yet, im pretty sure..Im not ready yet.

God, help me please. Let me see your light and let me take the steps you ready for me.

Please God, help me not to disappoint people that I care and people that cares for me..

People say...

There are 2 remarks from people i get nowadays:

1. I never thought you can be so fun. To play as well to chat.
2. When are you getting married?

The first remark, i would say, maybe this is the real me. Like ive said, ive been hiding as well as monopoly myself with other bad stuff that i shouldnt be worry of.

Im so so so glad that i regain myself, though at times, i will still be reminded of bad and sad things that happened in my life. But what im seeing more is, the brighter side of it. Im trusting that God takes control.

I realised that I was being not myself for pass few years. And i was proud and told myself, I dont need God. God is only there for eternal life, and God have no impact on my real life. But, in the end, I have to agree that i made a mistake, a mistake that i hope i will never make again.

This cny when i went back, to be true, yes, there is a itch of feeling uneasy as there is where sweet and bitter happens. And i realised, im refraining from my own old friends. I dunno why. But yet, i dunno whether ive changed or actually, we really lost some conversation. I guess, the timing wasnt right. My mood wasnt there to talk, because they reminded me of how stupid i was not to keep in touch with them. And yea... they do reminded me of Archie, cos all of them knew who Archie was.

But i promise, no matter how i may change, friendship, for me, once made, it will prolong as long as i still breathing. Except it was the other party, giving up the relationship.

Ji Muis, buddies, pals.. im so glad that you all have helped me through all the toils and tribulations. I cant promise that i have moved on, yet one thing im sure is that, im better edi.

And for the 2nd remark, people just dont believe im single. What's wrong having a nice face and remain single and attractive? Ahem!

Haiya... i dont mind to collect more angpou until I cant or not longer eligible to receive edi. I wont search, i wont target but I will wait, if only if there is that day.

Im sure u all will be notify and get the red bomb if there is such day.. Keep waiting friends. And for friends that have married, please... angpou bigger. Economy reccession. Good luck too, cos i will still hunt u guys for MY angpou :wink ( ATTENTION to BABY. Please note the 2 last senteces)