How fragile life can be?

Currently, Im doing a research on which medication works best in relieving pain in ceasarrean mothers. My job is to interview patient, because my colleague is not that convenient to talk to the breastfeeding mothers.

Oh well, the biatches, at last come into their senses! *Thank GOD* And they now, leave me in peace. Yesterday, I finish 7 cases, while they only end up doing 1 case, and that case, is only needing them to get the consent from patient only.

Haih... whatever they wanna do la. I just want to get 270 patients in my way, and they are working more efficiently now. Guess my sour face give them some common sense...

Well, everyday, spot the potential patients, approach the patient, by saying such line: *With the sweetest smile I can ever give*

" Hello. Good morning. We are student from IMU, and currently, doing a study to see what is your progress after giving birth. We wanna see whether the medication given by the doctor whether helps you or not.
We will be asking you a few question such as your first time changing diapers for your baby, first time u get out of bed and first time u can breastfeed your baby without assistance ok? [try to let patient nod their heads with the same rhythm i nod my head] So, are you willing to answer my few questions for me? [praying hard patient wont shake their head or say no, then fast fast ask patient to sign on a paper that the patient dont even have time to read]
Awww... ur baby is so obedient. IS a he or she? Aww... have he/she eaten yet? Isnt he/she obedient, she/he's not crying at all?

Working in the maternity ward, where you see patients and their product of love, the feeling is so so so different from working in normal medical wards. When you look at the babies, you see hope. When you look at the mothers, you see love.

That was why, working in these wards, despite the everyday 100 minutes drive KL-Seremban, make the research worth.

Everyday was fine, very fine until today. It was really really something to think about.

Pinky: Heeelllo.... *smile big big*
Patient: Hi *weak smile*
Pinky: How are u? Still feel the pain?
Patient: Erm.. A little
Pinky: Where's your baby? *didnt see him/her around the ward*
Patient: My baby is dead. [said calmly]
Pinky: Lost her words.

I just simply lost my word. I just simply couldnt blurt out any word. I never expect this today. Or can I say, i never expect to encounter such case in this research?

Just a simple "Im sorry to hear about it. Really sorry" was said. I guess my colleague with me, also was stunned like me. But does that phrase works for the patient?

Everytime, just a simple concern will actually lift a post-ceasarrean women's mood lighted up abit. But this time, i do wonder.. Nurses told us that the baby died because of cardiomegaly [if u do not know what is this, GOOGLE], and the mother is 35 years old.

We, the lived ones can choose how the life we wanted. Do we want to spend the time you have in this world griving for things cannot be changed, or even worry for things that might not even happen?

But what about this kid? This kid have been produced from his parents. He have no words to be said. He just have no choice. IS just that this winner of life, has develop a malfunction heart, that he cant even live any longer in this world. Does he have a choice of saying no to deaths? Does he have a choice, he doesnt want to be one?

Yes, maybe his death is predicted, or they can foresee it using all the scans they have, but does this means the pain is not there?

This incident reminds me of my twin boy cousins. Both are 7 months old, where they have to undergo LSCS to be removed from my aunt's body. Will it still hunts the parents of losing this kid/ kids?

I know im just too fortunate to live on. Just too fortunate. Im born normal, and yes, i realised, it was kinda stupid when I cant give up things in the past and awaits for future. I wanted to forget so much, yet being reminded again and again. Shell was right. "If you never think whether you have let go or not, you had let go". But at this very moment I saw that woman that wrecks my heart in fb. This very moment.

I just dunno what to feel. I just hated her so much. So much that please, God, dont let me see her in the hospital. I might lost my sense and kill her. Yes, she is another biatch, that get WHO ever she wants. I start to ponder. Why does biatches always get what they want?

I know life should be coloured with lotsa colours, and sometime black. But somehow, I wish, there is no black colour in this world.