Disobedient eyes...

Tonight, eyes betrayed me.

So much promises Ive done to myself, yet, is this time of the year, that I give myself an excuse to express what I really felt inside >>>> Tired, exhausted and hurt.

People often thinks Im afraid of nothing. NOTHING. Strong in the inside, hard as diamond outside, although there are some air in the head everyday meeting me.

Sometime, Im tired to think of all negative things happen in life. Im fed up with myself of keep motivating myself to walk on this life with courage and smile.

Sometime, I even felt, I have to hide my tears in order to be strong for others.

Sometime, I felt I dont want to show it out, because I know there is no point of doing it, because for others, I am strong.

Sometime, I felt my tears are just cheap longkang water, because no matter how it is shed, no one will appreciate it, no one would understand, no one would know how to wipe them from my face forever.

They do have a point. Because the tears shedded, can only be controlled by the individual herself.

But this time of the year, I think I do have an excuse of taking my own time to heal the hurt Ive been going on in my life. Just too much sorrow, that I have forgotten many beautiful things that happen in my life. Because the beautiful things just happened in the past.

Great things happen now, have to happen non-stop for a few years to really cover up whatever things that happen in the past.

But for this time, I needed a break, from being strong for anyone else, but myself.

I know, it gonna be hard because memories start to appear again although everytime, I bravely sweap them away.

I assure myself with lotsa things happen around me, that decision made is the best. That everything is perfectly alright.

But tonight, eyes betrayed me. Betrayed what had I believed in myself.

But im just exhausted. Is just a girl, that everyone thinks she is strong, felt lost and tired...