Not anyone

Not anyone can help me out from feeling this bad now. Not even a clown. Was expecting a last meet up with you only tonight, but turned out that you have misunderstood, that most probably the whole gang is coming. Im not blaming you, because is true that this is the last weekend for you at this place this time. It just came to my mind, am I really the one who had over-thought you have feelings for me, or were you afraid that I might broke down in front of you again, or it really doesn't matter to meet or not to meet me up personally before you left? I just can't describe my feelings now.. I just can't. Not even a piece of tiramisu can sooth the feeling of losing you.. Im lost again.